ive been single for 5 weeks and 9 days. thats how long my schedule has been packed full to the brim with outings and meetups and stuff with friends from as far back as 7 years ago. after almost 40 people in this span of a month+. i'm left wondering, is this what singlehood's about?

this random misery that hits me at night when i'm alone and the world is asleep. suddenly i dont know who to turn to and who to text or who to call. cos its meaningless to text the guy i've been texting all week, cos by e end of next wk he'd be nothing anyway. is singlehood kinda like a cycle? the whole enlightenment, then the liberation, and the all-time-low. i dont get it

i know, then u ask how about ___. well. the frequency's wrong. really. kahei said the poor boy looks slow. hot as hell yea, but really. all brawn no brain isnt as appealing from where i'm standing now. of cos we have mr.evergreen. tall dark handsome as well. honestly after them both, i hereby conclude im not fated in the right ways with tall dark handsome people. short fair ugly anyone? =/ mr evergreen has declared a more than friends thingy. cool, except i havent mentioned e part whereby randomly making out with other people in a club are allowed so long as the other party doesnt find out. screwed up morals? totally. (comin from me, u'd better believe it)

im seriously considerin going maleless for awhile. mayb half a week, then extend to one week, and mayb one and a half.. and before u know it, i'd be a nun. oh wait. i'm suppose to give adr a shot before i enter nunhood. ugh. males. sigh.

i went out with matthias today. he may be old, but he's absolutely funky and loads of fun. i love hanging out with him! met jojo and walked around and laughed ALOT. it was lovely :) blablabla jojo met sean. god those 2 look lovely together. they look so, right. was this the way bestie and i looked while we were in love? when they looked at each other, there really was this tenderness and this sweetness, and when they held hands, u could really feel how much he loved her. i remember this feeling, not so long ago. the silly sweetness and smiles. its gorgeous, constantly having someone there for you, with you, there for you, no matter what you do or choose. sigh.

right now, sijian is probably e only idiot who could make me wake up at 10am to go to yishun with him to look for lunch and walk about like children. you asshole. cant you see the effect you have on me. mel does not lose control when a male is involved. she doesnt. but she is. she's once again willing to go against logic and common sense. knowing its a dead end yet still skippin down e path. knowing u'll hurt her again and again, u'll disappoint for sure. and u did, u have. AGAIN. its okay, one day she will give up and she will walk away without looking back. cos thats just the way she is. one day its thre the next its over. thank god u are rather strong girl. hang in there.

on a brighter note, i am PRAYING. someone says yes tomorrow. then hall life will be. different. OH EM GEE. i shant say more but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
ask me in private ;)