do your friends really know you? there're people i've known for sometime now, yet they judge u and criticise ur actions assuming they know it all and have seen it all. on one hand they are nice and they do care. yet on the other u dont even know if u can trust them. buddies that do crazy things and look out for one another but theres this odd mismatched feeling. i wish you knew how we felt about you despite the love.

i'm not perfect. i suppose i have a heap of bad habits. i sleep late. i drink. i club. i break hearts. i cant resist temptation. i use emotions. i bear grudges. i make use this face im born with and im not afraid to admit it. i criticise when someone's make up sucks. i am so not independent a person. i talk to myself in the mirror. the list goes on. but i guess we have 2 sides to each of us dont we? i honestly give a friggin big shit about the 90% of people out of the elite that few do. how many of you sitting out there criticising me and my way of life has bothered to stepped into the lives of the less fortunate and the misunderstood and the underachievers and made a difference? i have. and still am. it reminds me that i'm human and there's someone out there who needs you more than yourself. i'm loyal to my friends. i'd stick by them through it all, no matter what stupid things they do or what others say. thats y it hurts knowing some of you cant. its your character and your call. mine is just to accept and still love you. i know my priorities and study hard. its not mere chance that i dont mambo at all during school terms you know. i screwed accounting up and im determined to push my gpa back up starting next sem. i study hard to get what i want. it doesnt fall from the sky and batting lashes at a prof will not always get u that A, despite what some may think i do to secure mine. i dont spend excessively and stupidly. people claim i'm rich and figure i dont have any concepts on money and what its like to have none. i only have cash to spend because i'm big on saving. well, i'm good at saving and you are not. i can resist urges to spend extremely well while you cannot. you earn less and spend more. i dont spend. works out to me having more spare cash? i'd figure as much. i've good morals. those who know this bit, yes i'm talkin about ___. shant say more. been talkin to people our age, as well as people older, slightly older, much older. its all about stopping in your tracks and not lameting on e bad things u've been dealt with and learning to appreciate what you've been blessed with. thats one of the reasons i do what i do and i can. thats why alvan says only mel can be mel. the groundwork is still there for me. i could count so many blessings in your life, but could you? you think u've got a bad hand, well listen up honey, it could get a hell lot worse. yes i'm complaining and i'm screaming out at you in particular. do you understand me? dont ask. i'll never say its you. not yet at least. doesnt matter. lets all ponder about who we've become and where we're going.

today has been odd. i've been hit by random thoughts and emotions all day. woke up to many many texts askin if i'm okay. none from the right people. then didi texted just to send some love. that was awfully sweet and put a smile on my face :) alvan cancelled sentosa plans which was all too fortunate since i felt ill after last night's mambo. suddenly it struck. that he wasnt on e same island as me anymore and i teared a little. its stupid, since i knew from the start he was never meant to stay. i never planned to get any emotions involved. but as jas said, sometimes i dont know my own heart. had a nice chat with muddy. its m0re messed up for him than it is me, i wish u all the best dear muddy.

went online to find a facebook msg from him =) brought such a smile, till i read e contents. it was about saying goodbye and about how wonderful i was and how he would look me up first if he ever came to singapore. IF. also about how i should def. call him before anyone else should i head over to his part of the world.

knowing i'll never meet him again. ever. kinda sucks.

went out with alvan after than for dinner =) thank you for coming all e way to my place to pick me up :) my mood wasnt e best and he said i looked ready to kill. haha had dinner and slacked and i felt better =) went to cine to get tickets. then i headed off to meet jasmine! i always look forward to meetin her! we may not speak everyday and stuff but when we do, i honestly dont keep anything from her. there's this trust and openness to our friendship. yeap. she's really someone i treasure a hell lot. probably one of my closest friends from dunman days. pity we both dont really play alot of basketball anymore. mayb one day we shall.. if tiffany comes back from aussie.... ...... (daydreaming..)

after that, went for a movie with alvan and jason. caught Wanted. starring angelina jolie. freak. she is REALLY. hot. haha. i suddenly thought of what i said to alvan when i came out of the toilet without my vest. quite funny.

slacked around and headed home. called paul for a possible supper. ihave this feeling he's stil angry w me :(

somehow i've gotten sick of planning. i usually have my entire week planned by e wed beefore. but its friday now and i havent written anythhing on my schedule. i'mjust too lazy too i guess. and i dont feel like doing anything. town's gotten boring. there isnt a movie i want to catch that i havent. and when someone asks "how have u been" i know i'm lying by saying "oh perfectly well.." also if the right people ask the same question i might just need a big hug and i'll burst into tears. god knows whats wrong with me