hey. its post exams =) finally! sure its meant to be all fun and relaxing and u just chill and all but for some totally random, retarded reason im feelin awfully down and depressed x(

papers have sucked in general.bah uni isnt supposed to be this hard! gross.. after e papers went for lunch w gf + bf =) my 2 current almost favouritest people. BUT the bums BULLIED ME. and LAUGHED AT ME. and MOCKED MY STAMP PASTING ABILITY. all i about 5 min *wailssss. but still! loveee <3

headed to jp and spent damn long in pet safari w gf!this is wad hpns when one has a doggy and the other 3 hamsters haha. then i went to get my nails done! gorgeous =) i think nails are important really, especially girls with long nails! if ure gona keep them long, the least u could do is file them pretty and mayb top some clear coat or a nude shade over them! long unkempt nails are a real turn-off for me (one reason im sure im female) haha then we couldnt resist buying stuff we dont need like more clips n earrings!! haha. i suddenly realised that im so used to ppl givin me earrings that i dont know when was e last time i actually bought myself a pair! (little richkid... ......) after that we both buaytahan and headed back to nua =)

haha. okie why m i depressed. let me think.

post exam depression mayb. e common thing i get after every paper! the NEED to mug is not fulfilled :(

mayb its cos im packin to move out already. my stuff are in suitcases and paper bags and my cupboards and shelves are empty. feeling quite sad. esp if my dearest roomie cant stay anymore and this will be the last night im gona have to worry about someone reachin across to poke me ;) haha <3

of cos there are other reasons. while packin, i came across lots of old stuff i dont give a 2nd thought about anymore. until i found them of cos. then i suddenly realised that people change so damn quickly ure totally caught off guard. hmm maybe they dont change, they merely show a side of them they have kept hidden all the years for your benefit. then u wonder why love had restrictions. what happened to freedom in love and being loved and all that great nonsense.

i wrote a letter to myself a rather long time ago. penning down the fragments of random thought floatin round in my little head made me realised i loved someone that didnt exist. i was in love with a person purely fabricated by Mel. she played the scenes in her head and everything went perfect in her little world inside her head. then the jolt back to reality. :( oh f*ck, he isnt real.

this exam period, im way way slacker than i was this sem.. disappointed in myself. mel mel, u have 6 sems while everyone has 8. if u want ur first or second upper. ure gona have to work for it. what happened to the girl who got miserable and cried when she got a friggin B+. if she saw the pathetic state ur revision was in, she'd be ashamed. yes dont come tellin me its over and its no point cyin over spilt milk. this is reflection. let me reflect. BAH.

this exam period i've been a hermit. north and southspine readin rooms, pretending im crammin tonnes of knowledge into my brain when alot of the time im stoning. this whole sem in general has been packed full of backtoback activites. and i realised ive almost totally had no time at all to talk to my friends who matter. other then the sweet random phone calls, the drivin to my hall to say hi and chat, the random emails and phonecalls from QLD and LONDON!!!! =D ive been so far away from everyone. my sydney gang :( my girls frm bball :( vj nballers :( my close friends from rj :( my random random close friends :( i miss all of u terribly. really i do. ive tried to arrange and plan to meet people in e day and night from tmr till next next mon when i start work, but NUS doesnt finish papers till 5th may (SMALL!!) or sth :( yes im whinning. but im miserable. and im going to cry. so let me bloody. whine.

someone said a particular friendship i have is weird. friends dont criticise nor have no faith in each other. i'd love, trust, and have ur back at any time and i do care a great deal. i just wish, sometimes it'd be a little different.

im pretty sad about something that isnt quite workin in the right way. its headed in odd directions and we cant see light at the end of this tunnel. its time to look for a bend in the road and hopefully we'll come out better. it was a screwed start but im suddenly wonderin which side has lost faith before the other.