just an ordinary day, started out the same old way...

2009-03-18T08:09:00.002+08:00

It would be nice to be home, but I don't miss it. Simply because I live in the moment and I make the best out of it. So I don't long to be home, but I know its a wonderful place to be. - My friend, Elazar!

i'm a million miles from home. somehow this has translated to a closer friendship with some, and truly a million miles with others. how time flies and three months have gone by.

when ure on an exchange, it more than just "studying abroad". i am experiencing and i want to learn. not just learn how people in italy live and how expensive cannes is and how punctual germans are. but to learn, live and grow. to see the same thing in a different light. to hear the same words but understand differently. to step back and look in.

travelling in the past was something "people do", something "people enjoyed" and i couldnt see whats so awesome about it all. the Last Supper was just a painting, the Berlin Wall, nothing but a wall. a memorial? not more than a stone slab with some carvings and fine gold inscriptions. but somehow, something moved, something changed, something opened up. after 3 months straight of extensive travelling and barely any studying, feelings set in and standing on a castle is no longer standing on stone. i stand and i'm absorbing. reading this sounds blasphemous i would agree. but absorbing is about the only word i can think of to describe it. sensations enter my mind and self and u see details of the attraction in a new light. helps that lovely europe is a continent rich in history and vibrant in its present state, with much to offer anyone who happens to stop by.

one line from an old old friend in london dropped the bomb right on it. he was puzzled, why i lived life hiding and allowing low or no expectations to be formed about me and the work i do. when there are no expectatons, there are no disappointments, and no matter what i do, it will amaze. its time to stop being small and allowing others to have no expectations of me. this limits me terribly and reduces any potential growth. alora, not anymore. its past the age where i bend over and hold my head low in the shadows. head held high, eyes shining, brain working. watch out world, its my time to shine.

2008-11-29T05:39:00.002+08:00

hey.

this is complicated. suddenly, the someone we all thought we knew. turns out to be the exact someone we pretended he never was. was it that we were both blinded by emotions, whether or not justified. if u set expectations too high, u only leave urself to be disappointed, and indeed, he was one to disappoint. i guess the fault can lie with him for not meetin them, or with us for not being realistic. he is just another guy. what makes him any more morally upright and decent than any other. its really showed me how we can all see things in a certain way, simply cos it makes so much logical sense and it all fits into place so perfectly u never have any reason to doubt any of it. yet, if u just twist it a slight bit, there's a whole new logic within the logic u dont originally see.

sometimes. people get to know each other. and they hit it off, call it sparks, chemistry, stupidity, whichever u like, we all generally know that feeling, some experience it more than others thats all. then when sparks start diminished, attraction starts fading, u find that the person aint anything that amazing afterall. yet another, predictable one. i dont like predictability in a guy. doesnt it make them dull? randomness is attractive. excitement is attractive. mystery is attractive. not keepable, but attractive.

u know this exchange thingy i'm going for, has really showed me and friggin turned on the spot light upon who really matter. yea there are people i speak to so so often. and there are others i meet once every three years (yes, dont doubt it, its YOU i'm talking about.) but the thing is, there's a compulsion to ask important people out and make sure i take a good look at them and have a nice chat with them before i spread my wings. and often, i realise they dont really fall into the first category of people i mentioned. surprising? i dont know. mel meets so much of the unexpected she doesnt quite know what to do with them anymore.

and i think my organisation is getting to me. i have this odd urge to mess something up. like totally fuck one thing up so bad that. i'm happy. haha yes i dont make any damn sense at all i know. to hell with logic i say. goodness. just last night i sat there, waiting for R to reply my texts as i had been all day and i randomly felt too at peace. (gf: all my inner peace thing is working obviously. and i hate it. screw peace *sets something on fire) yeap. so i felt too at peace, i felt sure something was wrong. i was really going mad inside of my head and i was so damn peaceful i was damn restless. but it was 4am on a thursday man. couldnt ring someone and declare ITS TIME FOR SUPPER. go get a lift down to east coast to run about in the breeze. i felt so trapped somehow. yes this entire paragraph wasnt logical. nevermind. btw, whoever u think R is, he's not.

one thing for sure. ive proven something to myself this week. i'm not ready. really. obviously. unfortunately.

*insert mood swing* okay not feeling so crappy now. lets talk about more happy incidents.

i dont know whats with my random spending. really. spent $150 on toiletries. $30 on random daiso items. all in about a day and a half. haha im amazing. convincing myself they are necessities. yes dear, the art of self-delusion. so anyway. i fell in love so many times in 3 days.

there's this beautiful pair of nine west high heels in satin hot pink. they are to die for and they dont kill ur feet much. i'm in love. but i'm poor.

i totally want a hot red lipstick. think Chanel Rouge Allure #60, think MAC A58. think Gwen S think Christina A. yea. that's the red i'm talking about. tried one today. but im wondering, if i wearing the boldest and more confident shade at 20, what the hell will i wear at 35? damn

i should be asleep right now, since there's lunch with paul and harddisk shopping w alvan. im really looking forward to tmr. its gona be great. i havent seen paul for awhile and he's awesome to talk to. he's funny and silly and i enjoy it. alvan. how can u not love alvan <3 then im having my swedish friends over for dinner at my place before heading out to double O. while its awfully exciting havin them around and all. its also tragically sad. cos this is for sure ur last meal together, the 3 of us. at least for a long time more. they fly on sunday, 6am.. and i wont see them both together for a long time. oh well.

2008-11-08T05:08:00.002+08:00

have you ever had a convenient friend? someone u were only close to cos she happened to be there. when u needed her, she'd always be there. even when u brush her off or u treat her unkindly, she would always, always be there for u.

ever wondered what would happen when she realization smacked her on her head?

to L. thank you for your sense and maturity. for sure u're right, u cant approach someone the same way u did in the past when u guys were close now that ure not. i wonder what else u try to say with that. its not restoring we need, its rebuilding. u cant build a one way friendship. if its just one way. maybe its not worth the effort. im beginning to think it fricking isnt.

2008-11-04T05:11:00.002+08:00

obviously, with a 1030 presentation, i should well be asleep by now, 530 am! but no, here i am.

so much has happened in 2 days. i met a girl. yes, this time its a girl. no, i'm not quite lesbian yet either. its complicated of cos, as it always does when i'm involved. i've learnt so much from her that has done so much for me. disgust, amazement, envy, anger, devastation, confusion, awkwardness. there was a certain release after conversing for so long with her. i saw L in a different light. maybe he ain't as awesome as we both believed he was. i look at him and i no longer see a model of perfection, i'm not as much blinded to his faults staring at me in the face.

so G, thank you.

2008-11-01T19:41:00.002+08:00

A lucid dream is a dream in which the person is aware that they are dreaming while the dream is in progress, also known as a conscious dream. When the dreamer is lucid, they can actively participate in and often manipulate the imaginary experiences in the dream environment. Lucid dreams can be extremely real and vivid depending on a person's level of self-awareness during the lucid dream.

I was randomly revising for my exams, and just thinking about L as I so often do, then suddenly I wanted a certain something and just thought of closing my eyes again to look for him. It studdenly struck me so forcefully then, the reason why i'm often late for school. More than once, when the alarm rings, I wake and suddenly realise i've lost him. And there's this crazy irritated denial that turns off the alarm and sends me back to my lucid dreams to look for him. I'm good at controlling and remembering my dreams, so I always find him. I always find him waiting just where I got dragged out of the dream. I'm so happy doing what I've alwaus wanted that I forget about going to school. This has always existed somewhere in my little brain, I just never acknowledged it. Now I shall. I shall attempt to stop floating back into my dreams just to see and be with and love. Welcome back to earth and reality mel. Or better still, look forward to going to Milan. Remember your theory on distance vs closeness of the friendship? For all you know, you'll become best friends once you guys have a million miles between you :)

When my granny's show on TV played, I had my dinner while watching it. Suddenly, this actor appeared with a side profile that matched that of a particular asshole i've been unfortunate enough to meet and know. All of a sudden I was gripped with fear, the same fear from not so long ago. The same fear I felt sitting at the edge of the stairs. Sigh.

I seriously think this whole staying home on a saturday is so not for me. I'm your regular outdoor kid. The indoors bore me and the lack of sunshine dampens my feelings and makes it all gloomy and dull for me. I seem to have lost the will to smile and as my tears fall between sheets of Why We Work notes, I'm reminded that my day dreaming and lucid dreaming is really. really. stupid. But I thank the friends who've been around whether through calls or smses, especially those who've actually driven down or wanted to drive down to take me to supper or dinner or just to send donuts over. You guys make my day, remind me that i'm loved by all of you and challenge me to get over this skinny nut and move on with a big fat smile on my little face. Thank you

2008-10-11T02:01:00.002+08:00

i cant keep going on this way. this random going nuts in my head. random outbursts take me nowhere. and they hurt poor didi.

gf said "mad season". i agree.

was with didi today and randomly burst into tears. alot of tears for a really long time. on the pretense of gettin something i sprinted to his door. just being by the door made me better. stopped crying, composed myself and walked back.

this is spastic. how is it that we were actually rather close when we were so far away. and now that we're practically neighbours the distance seems to have grown hugeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

jojo said to let go. i cannot live in the memories. whether wrong signals were sent, they were so long ago anyway. which is true, since gf said "if it were cos of you, you wouldnt be like that right now" so yes, suddenly it all makes sense.

2008-09-24T02:00:00.002+08:00

when i gave u the pink flower, the note said to call when u were not angry and ready to talk to me again.

its been many weeks. its been nothing.

i know ure awfully happy and honeymoon mood, so maybe friendships ought to take a back seat. this is probably one thing didi n i alwys quarrelled about, how friendships dont take that back seat...

/ponders..

2008-08-16T02:26:00.001+08:00

Goodness. when was the last time i wrote something here. apologies for the long random absence. its always this way when school begins aint it. the start of school and hall life as usual brings with it many secrets, scandals, gossips and rubbish. thank goodness i'm barely part of any of the above at all =D

had an awfully wonderful time this evening with my m&ms darling SUYIIIII. haha i m going to miss her like hell when she goes back to UK :( its really funny how this friendship works out. she's awfully guai, super smart mugger, moe scholar, generally quiet and rather shy, etc.. haha im quite far off on most accounts, yet we're really good friends and we always have such a good time hanging out together =D took about 50 photos in starbucks today and had a hell of a time laughin. jolly good fun <3

aft tt took a detour on my way home and met up with haoran. hung around w him near our places and just talked. found out he's a friggin genius. haha but he's a really sweet person and there is more to him than meets the eye. had a good time hanging out with him this evening too! x)!!

anyway while talking i pondered on attractions, crushes, love of lives, and the like. how this play of emotions keeps us going in circles, round after round after round. when will this carousel stop? how no one can notice a single person. yet someone else's everyday life revolves around her. he was a boy, she was a girl, can i make it anymore obvious. well said indeed. this whole lotta bore boils down to a miscalculated circling, a sad partnerless dance. good luck.

sometimes, we find ourselves just quietly talking to no one but ourselves.

2008-07-22T01:00:00.003+08:00

Just as the sun unpurples the night,
I contemplate the mournful truth;
That the worst for rememberance is having once been forgotten.

- Deliver Us From Evil

gothic novel by Tom Holland

2008-07-09T02:00:00.002+08:00

some things i've learnt this holidays and would like to randomly share...

1. dont be too quick to judge
we chose to judge based on rumours we hear or by a single side of a person we happen to see. dont. let judgement and conclusions come to you. you'll get the big picture.

2. dont fall too easily
its hell easy to fall in love when its the sweetest. instead, hold back, step back, rethink. its okay to let something pass you by. if he actually did, then maybe he just really isn't the one.

3. put effort into the smallest detail
the smallest detail says the biggest things.

4. make a difference in someone's life
stranger, friend, lover. the appreciation is well worth the effort, tears, drama, heartache.

5. make e effort to talk to old friends
you'll be surprised at how they've changed. and you will reflect on how you yourself have become. and you will think and understand so much more.

6. run in random international circles
broaden the horizon, open your mind, drop your discrimination, understand the differences, accept your peers (minus selected neighbours *coughporncoughh*). the little things will matter less.

7. be nice and sincere to ur teachers without hoping for anything in return
you will get a headstart in things u'd never expect and learn so much from the wise. opportunities will come to the deserving, and those who once criticised will bite their tongue.

8. BELIEVE IN KARMA
the asshole who took my phone will pay for his sin.twice.

9. drink, get drunk, but only do it during the holidays, generally (KIV)
you're only young once, you can only be THAT STUPID once. besides, school term is for mugging.

10. love yourself
look within yourself and take note of everything that you're blessed with, every detail that makes you beautiful. this is what others love you for. love yourself for having these qualities. dont look to others in envy and allowed the "green-eyed monster" to cloud your vision.

to everyone who's read my humble, naive learnings from this holidays, thank you.

2008-07-09T01:54:00.002+08:00

its quite funny now that i think of it. the most frequent exchange between me n didi this hols must be

"he's going to fall for u..."
"i bloody hope not. males..."

i wish **** n i could go back to 2 wks before :( i'd never have gone to e mambo, and i'd never have let u fall.

sometimes its good to have friends we know we can turn to. friend who'd kick our ass and tell us we're being stupid or that we suck at drawing. though it may hurt hearing bad things about yourself sometimes, i guess deep down somewhere, we're glad they are that honest and we love them despite it all.

a very very important someone is going through a very very shitty patch. honey, when ure down there, e only way left to go is up. we'll all be in e climb up with you. i love you.

2008-06-27T03:35:00.002+08:00

do your friends really know you? there're people i've known for sometime now, yet they judge u and criticise ur actions assuming they know it all and have seen it all. on one hand they are nice and they do care. yet on the other u dont even know if u can trust them. buddies that do crazy things and look out for one another but theres this odd mismatched feeling. i wish you knew how we felt about you despite the love.

i'm not perfect. i suppose i have a heap of bad habits. i sleep late. i drink. i club. i break hearts. i cant resist temptation. i use emotions. i bear grudges. i make use this face im born with and im not afraid to admit it. i criticise when someone's make up sucks. i am so not independent a person. i talk to myself in the mirror. the list goes on. but i guess we have 2 sides to each of us dont we? i honestly give a friggin big shit about the 90% of people out of the elite that few do. how many of you sitting out there criticising me and my way of life has bothered to stepped into the lives of the less fortunate and the misunderstood and the underachievers and made a difference? i have. and still am. it reminds me that i'm human and there's someone out there who needs you more than yourself. i'm loyal to my friends. i'd stick by them through it all, no matter what stupid things they do or what others say. thats y it hurts knowing some of you cant. its your character and your call. mine is just to accept and still love you. i know my priorities and study hard. its not mere chance that i dont mambo at all during school terms you know. i screwed accounting up and im determined to push my gpa back up starting next sem. i study hard to get what i want. it doesnt fall from the sky and batting lashes at a prof will not always get u that A, despite what some may think i do to secure mine. i dont spend excessively and stupidly. people claim i'm rich and figure i dont have any concepts on money and what its like to have none. i only have cash to spend because i'm big on saving. well, i'm good at saving and you are not. i can resist urges to spend extremely well while you cannot. you earn less and spend more. i dont spend. works out to me having more spare cash? i'd figure as much. i've good morals. those who know this bit, yes i'm talkin about ___. shant say more. been talkin to people our age, as well as people older, slightly older, much older. its all about stopping in your tracks and not lameting on e bad things u've been dealt with and learning to appreciate what you've been blessed with. thats one of the reasons i do what i do and i can. thats why alvan says only mel can be mel. the groundwork is still there for me. i could count so many blessings in your life, but could you? you think u've got a bad hand, well listen up honey, it could get a hell lot worse. yes i'm complaining and i'm screaming out at you in particular. do you understand me? dont ask. i'll never say its you. not yet at least. doesnt matter. lets all ponder about who we've become and where we're going.

today has been odd. i've been hit by random thoughts and emotions all day. woke up to many many texts askin if i'm okay. none from the right people. then didi texted just to send some love. that was awfully sweet and put a smile on my face :) alvan cancelled sentosa plans which was all too fortunate since i felt ill after last night's mambo. suddenly it struck. that he wasnt on e same island as me anymore and i teared a little. its stupid, since i knew from the start he was never meant to stay. i never planned to get any emotions involved. but as jas said, sometimes i dont know my own heart. had a nice chat with muddy. its m0re messed up for him than it is me, i wish u all the best dear muddy.

went online to find a facebook msg from him =) brought such a smile, till i read e contents. it was about saying goodbye and about how wonderful i was and how he would look me up first if he ever came to singapore. IF. also about how i should def. call him before anyone else should i head over to his part of the world.

knowing i'll never meet him again. ever. kinda sucks.

went out with alvan after than for dinner =) thank you for coming all e way to my place to pick me up :) my mood wasnt e best and he said i looked ready to kill. haha had dinner and slacked and i felt better =) went to cine to get tickets. then i headed off to meet jasmine! i always look forward to meetin her! we may not speak everyday and stuff but when we do, i honestly dont keep anything from her. there's this trust and openness to our friendship. yeap. she's really someone i treasure a hell lot. probably one of my closest friends from dunman days. pity we both dont really play alot of basketball anymore. mayb one day we shall.. if tiffany comes back from aussie.... ...... (daydreaming..)

after that, went for a movie with alvan and jason. caught Wanted. starring angelina jolie. freak. she is REALLY. hot. haha. i suddenly thought of what i said to alvan when i came out of the toilet without my vest. quite funny.

slacked around and headed home. called paul for a possible supper. ihave this feeling he's stil angry w me :(

somehow i've gotten sick of planning. i usually have my entire week planned by e wed beefore. but its friday now and i havent written anythhing on my schedule. i'mjust too lazy too i guess. and i dont feel like doing anything. town's gotten boring. there isnt a movie i want to catch that i havent. and when someone asks "how have u been" i know i'm lying by saying "oh perfectly well.." also if the right people ask the same question i might just need a big hug and i'll burst into tears. god knows whats wrong with me

2008-06-25T12:34:00.003+08:00

The 11th International Conference on Work Values and Behavior

i shall update loads on e event when i'm free.. for now, THIS is why it was a blast

he is by far the most handsome guy i have ever met. wow.

2008-06-23T03:09:00.002+08:00

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die
No!

You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I ain't gonna cry no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you'll be back again
Cause ya know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I know that you'll be back girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder oooohhh
I know that, you'll be right back, babe
Ooooh! baby believe me it's only a matter of time

You'll always be apart of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my my baby....

You'll always be apart of me (you will always be)
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on (we will linger on....)
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

Always be my baby

no prizes of who i have on my mind right now. who i just quarreled with. who i just had an emotional heart to heart talk with. you'll always be a part of me. i'm part of you indefinitely.

2008-06-20T02:41:00.002+08:00

ive been single for 5 weeks and 9 days. thats how long my schedule has been packed full to the brim with outings and meetups and stuff with friends from as far back as 7 years ago. after almost 40 people in this span of a month+. i'm left wondering, is this what singlehood's about?

this random misery that hits me at night when i'm alone and the world is asleep. suddenly i dont know who to turn to and who to text or who to call. cos its meaningless to text the guy i've been texting all week, cos by e end of next wk he'd be nothing anyway. is singlehood kinda like a cycle? the whole enlightenment, then the liberation, and the all-time-low. i dont get it

i know, then u ask how about ___. well. the frequency's wrong. really. kahei said the poor boy looks slow. hot as hell yea, but really. all brawn no brain isnt as appealing from where i'm standing now. of cos we have mr.evergreen. tall dark handsome as well. honestly after them both, i hereby conclude im not fated in the right ways with tall dark handsome people. short fair ugly anyone? =/ mr evergreen has declared a more than friends thingy. cool, except i havent mentioned e part whereby randomly making out with other people in a club are allowed so long as the other party doesnt find out. screwed up morals? totally. (comin from me, u'd better believe it)

im seriously considerin going maleless for awhile. mayb half a week, then extend to one week, and mayb one and a half.. and before u know it, i'd be a nun. oh wait. i'm suppose to give adr a shot before i enter nunhood. ugh. males. sigh.

i went out with matthias today. he may be old, but he's absolutely funky and loads of fun. i love hanging out with him! met jojo and walked around and laughed ALOT. it was lovely :) blablabla jojo met sean. god those 2 look lovely together. they look so, right. was this the way bestie and i looked while we were in love? when they looked at each other, there really was this tenderness and this sweetness, and when they held hands, u could really feel how much he loved her. i remember this feeling, not so long ago. the silly sweetness and smiles. its gorgeous, constantly having someone there for you, with you, there for you, no matter what you do or choose. sigh.

right now, sijian is probably e only idiot who could make me wake up at 10am to go to yishun with him to look for lunch and walk about like children. you asshole. cant you see the effect you have on me. mel does not lose control when a male is involved. she doesnt. but she is. she's once again willing to go against logic and common sense. knowing its a dead end yet still skippin down e path. knowing u'll hurt her again and again, u'll disappoint for sure. and u did, u have. AGAIN. its okay, one day she will give up and she will walk away without looking back. cos thats just the way she is. one day its thre the next its over. thank god u are rather strong girl. hang in there.

on a brighter note, i am PRAYING. someone says yes tomorrow. then hall life will be. different. OH EM GEE. i shant say more but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
ask me in private ;)

2008-06-14T04:34:00.000+08:00

hello! its awfully late but i randomly feel like writing something. today's been absolutely marvelous! i just got home not too long ago actually.

ive been so used to spending my days hanging out in town or doing mindless shopping this holidays. so today was a great change! e first part of the day was spent with benjamin! ha i told him i didnt wana hit town! so he asked, "do u like to eat ice cream?" haha of cos i do! so we ended up going to serangoon, taking the train all the way to newton, changing a bus to bukittimah, and walkin to island creamery for yummy icecream!! hah they really have alot of cute flavours! i never knew ben had such an appetite for icecream! we had - horlicks, nutella, mango, apple pie! w chocoballs and m&ms :) i was bloated by e time we were 80% done! haha but he wanted more and ordered - burnt caramel and cookies&cream! haha then we just sat there and talked and laughed and basically had a lot of fun. it was really interesting a way to spend a day. in a corner of town i wouldnt meet anyone i know (well almost no one), and just chillin with a fun someone :) after that we walked down BT road and just talked about everything and anything, giggling like little girls but feeling so happy indeed =) we took a long bus ride down to bugis to meet zhu! heh. ben's alwys a fun person to hang out with. since sydney days he's never been a dull one, from racing to lampposts in sydney, to adventures in a park past midnight, to randomly taking pictures of birds, to doing totally randoms with donuts, and to my first icecream outing. totally sweet =)!

after that met up w peikun in town! ha got dinner and read this odd mag called Beauty Blackbook while he did 15min of indoor tannning. i think i'm a lousy scardey cat. but i am so not going into that machine and closing the lid on myself. goodness. the feeling is terrible. haha he's rather silly really, cos he was afraid of havin me wait alone outside the room, he asked if i was allowed to go in and sit on e couch to chat while he tanned. the guy gave him this odd look and said something about having to totally undress which made us go like "OH... right..." so i sat outside... caught kungfu panda after that!!! omg its hilarious. its SO.CUTE. really. thou e plot was rather simple and it was kinda short i'd feel. expected more actually. i dont think it deserves the 4 stars so many people award it cos the pace was wrong. e climax was too sudden and not intense enough and the show ended too quickly imo! oh well. after that we walked from cine, to far east. and from far east back to cine's youth park. i swear we're totally retarded. haha sat at the youth park and had supper till about 3am! so we spent about 4 hours just talking and talking. i find myself being able to share with him alot that i usually dont. whether its because i'm uncomfortable with others or shy. there's this odd trust that i'm not sure where to place. we discussed everything from love to life to family to futures. the long long chat was really enjoyable. changed my opinion of the guy a great deal, for the better. but our frequencies are still a little off and he still has trouble makin out what im sayin sometimes!

had a super mini row with didi while at supper. sigh. how did a 2min conversation go so bad. somehow, it makes me wonder, what if..

anyway there's silosohotbod tmr. promised to go support peikun! since he's wearing one of my silver bangles for luck (gay as it may look) haha. THANK YOU SMALL for going with me and not pangsehing! <3

2008-06-12T04:48:00.002+08:00

my dear, i know u read this, and this is quite retarded. but i'm only writing HERE on my blog, because i tried commentin on urs EIGHT times at least, but got rejected cos i cant read the security feature code thing. what am i, a robot?! anyway. here's the comment love,

"darling, sieze the moment, sieze the day. dont live to regret it.. it hurts to see u cry over the same thing u did 3 months ago and see u still stand in the same box not daring to hop out. call me. ANYTIME. this is 4.41am.

love ya.

ps. i just got rejected ~~twice,four~~ six times by ur security code to fake the computer. i suspect i am a robot."

THERE YOU GO.

ive been thinkin about you and... is it worth holding back and holding on, knowing it might one day be a regret. i know how hard it is to open up and say things u never (usually takes a little alcohol to help, but can be without). i've done ridiculous things in my younger days and really, any other fool in my shoes wouldnt. but i look back now and i'm thank e heavens i did. hell we all know nothing materialised. but i'm glad i did.

may u look back 20 years from now and not swear and wish you did too.

mellovesyou.

2008-06-10T02:36:00.001+08:00

haaha okay this is rather lame. i'm talkin to zhu online, and somehow it got onto childhood heros and who u wanted to be! he wanted to be this stormtrooper and i'd rather be a mermaid! so the convo ended with..

-zhu- life can throw some really random stuff at you at times... says:
may the force be with u
melissa is enlightened says:
may u blow many bubbles
-zhu- life can throw some really random stuff at you at times... says:
i hope bubbles is not a guy

im just oddly amused. dont mind me! lookin forward to meetin steph, eggy & jasmine tmr!! =) long time old friends!

2008-06-10T02:21:00.002+08:00

hey! just got back from a lovely evening!! =) i met Paul! this guy i knew existed in primary school but never ever spoke to till goodness know when! its the first time i'm really meeting him and speakin to him in person, after loads of msn chats and i'm happy.

he's really grown to be a really cool person, with maturity way beyond his years. we may all be about 20, but he seems alot older and wiser. and conversations are interesting and funny =)

i didnt have high high expectations on the evening really, thought it would be just a dinner, but dinner lead on to a walk from town to raffles city to a drink at the loof and a really enjoyable time till 1+ =) it was pretty awesome! its been awhile since i had a realy proper conversation with someone like that. hell,i cant recall when i last had something like this. probably when tong was last back or something (yes, comparison with tong, paul must have impressed.) haha.

looking forward to another dinner with him, pity my schedule's already packed.

in case ure wonderin, he is NOT next on the list. he's just. a. friend.

oh another note, mambo anyone? think i'm gg w sijian, thats to be confirmed :/

2008-06-09T18:23:00.002+08:00

i have been bloggin alot it seems, means i'm always at home.

this whole singlehood thing is going well i think, following my late night enlightenmet! kahei came over today to chill and watch moviee! we surfed facebook and laughed and ogled and wailed for e H-O-T gay. hahah then watched dreamgirls and amazed ourselves with their voices and songs! it feels good just sitting around w a friend watchin a show w/o a care in e world (almost). decided to be a little more FIT after that and went jogging! the first 10 min were fantastic! i was impressed by how totally energetic i felt, then 15-20 min were...erm... a little more challenging.. and 20-30th min were like "come on mel..jog till pk replies..come on mel..jog till sj replies.." then text while jogging which makes time pass faster! i'm good at self deception. haha. anyway! opposite my estate, is the old cemetry which is excellent to jog cos of its purity, really, east coast park has too many people, and skate shops, and drink stalls and dogs and what not. here, its really long overgrown grass on broken paths and pebbles and stones around. its really pretty and u feel different jogging there. :) jogged up this TINY. hill and looked around at a pretty blue sky and green grass. i felt really, free. it suddenly hit me, that this was e beauty of single life, the easy day with a girlfriend, and the random jogging u do alone, and lookin forward to dinner with an old old friend. this is what singlehood is about, and its not that bad! wheet. enlightenment part 2!

went to the gym afterward and realised "OHMYGOD I HAVE A HOT NEIGHBOUR". no i did not do anything to him. really! haha but he does have a RATHER hot bod. haha. did some gyming and tried to ignore one of those disgusting taiwanese variety shows wad bai wad bai wad bian thingy. w e squealing taiwanese voices. gawd. save. me. when e girl left i rushed to switch it off. ugh. didnt even understand what all e squealing meant. foreign languages. gosh :/ while doin gym i got a call. sigh. daddy. he called from brunei. and somehow, he knows i didnt do well. i didnt tell him, nor mummy, nor is it on facebook right? but he called, saying i should study hard this holidays (when i dont even know my next modules..) and i should understand the importance of a good education. and he knows my results could be better :( all when he might not even know how i actually did. he asks me not to look for a tiring job so i can study abit. sigh. wait till he finds out i lost my potential first class. he'll shoot through the roof. sigh second upper is not THAT bad is it :( i suppose when there's first class, second upper is bad. sijian tried consoling me that its not that bad. but he's got a bucket full of As, i could hear in his voice that he knew he'd be devastated with anything less than perfect scores or so. sigh.

okay i'm off to bathe and look pretty b4 i go for dinner w paul! have fun people!!

2008-06-08T14:13:00.002+08:00

hello!

waiting for updates on dbl o? haha what happens in a club stays in a club. or so they say.. i've long figured it so doesnt work that way. humans can screw it up before, in, and after a clubbin event! yesterday was a night of birthdays, tonnes of shots and drinks, hot people around, drunk people around, making out, smoke all over the place.. ... it was pretty wild a night.

met jon n valla for dinner at central b4 deciding to walk all e way to dbl o (which isnt THAT far if uve got good company) :) haa we reached at friggin 8.30 to wait for the girls. goodness. 8.30 =/ i was hoping for someone to arrive, just hoping.. then i say this big group of guys coming and being able to recognise half of them, i got a little happy hopin he might just be there. but nope, bugger was late as usual.. when he showed up, i was rathherrr happy, but he just randomly waved in our general direction and walked off. okay........... i was hurt, i admit. small got him over and we had a little private convo which went

"wei small says ure gona cry"
"cry over u. worth it not?"
"i think so.."
"well actually no........."
"so ure not crying right?"
"no"
"u'll be okay right?"
"yea i will"
"okay la then u take care k i see u later i go first"
"k. bye"

SIGH. then after we all went in the bugger just left for another club w/o even saying byebye to me. so he was declared asshole by e gang + jon n valla! ITS OKAY... i have my girls! jevon arrived after that and we played pool =) haha im so glad didi taught me pool when i was much younger! i may not be as good as the guys but i can hold my own. and i beat this rather hot friend of jon's. (pk he shall be called) heh. ;)

then i got a call!! and i rushed outside w kahei's cake to meet rayner =) i think he's awfully awfully sweet a person, to come all e way down to dbl O just to wish her happy bday and sing her a bday song. awfully sweet! e girls told her mel had this ultra hot guy to show her so they dragged her out of the club to search for e cute guy! haha then we surpised her with cute guy rayner + his friend alexis and a cake =) hope u liked ur surprise girl! one of the few sydney surprise that worked. goodness. pity jasmine n mich wasnt around!! haha.

not long after, we went to take shots and have some fun. wheet 3? 4? shots later.. haha yea... .... but we had loads of fun and hit e dance floor. THEN. what happens in a club stays in a club yea....... =x i hope the visuals will keep it that way (AHEM SMALL, VAL, BRYANT, JIE LUN, ur cameras... private only please...) i have this feeling i'm gona get blackmailed.

went out to meet sijian a little later. got burnt on my neck by his cig. i told him i hate it when he smokes, now i've got a blister and a mark to prove my point. heartbroken alr. i hate cigs. i hate cigs. he was being an asshole, so pk dragged me back in and declared he's not worth it. we had our fun and another shot and played silly games at the bar and i found another who's tongue can touch his nose!! COOL! but i can touch my elbow w my tongue and he cant!! small wonders how we ended up discussing such stuff at e bar. hahaha.. we had our fair share of fun last night. i lost all e girls after that! think we were all too far gone to remmeber where each other had gone.

went out for e 2nd or 3rd time to meet sijian. and found him totally wasted on e floor outside w e rafflesians. i dno what on earth we said or what i screamed at him. but he was a mess. i only remember bits and pieces, like alvin (his gay) sayin we shd remain as friends. and some others telling me he's not worth it even thou thye're buddies. RIGHT. that sets my path quite straight i guess, since both his friends and mine agree on one thing at least.

i upset someone last night. and i'm really sorry about it. its been a year dear friend. i never knew. i'm sorry pk n i upset u. i'm really sorry. sigh.

2008-06-07T17:14:00.002+08:00

i just spent an hour talking to myself. actually one and a half. looking in the mirror doing hair and make up tlaking to myself. reminding me i deserve better. and 5 disappointing males in one week isnt much, and that it could have been worse.

i just found out a very very saddening piece of news. i think if someone's attached. it should be declared from the start. so poor souls like me wouldnt be moved and wouldnt be attracted and wouldnt be upsetted. then again i suppose its my fault for being moved too easily. TELETUBBY i'm talking abt the guy from. YAR... he's got a gf. sniff. and he texted last night. and this mornn.. and this afternoon his friend told me. SIGH, been comin up with all sorts of logical explanation on what his exact words and whether the girl in the statement didnt mean gf. but it was a little hard to pretend otherwise.ugh. and i m surprisingly feeling hurt. usually mel will just yell and make some noise and to hell with another. crush. haha this time i am a litttle hurt. saddddd...

and someone's not gona be able to make it to dbl o later. disappointed indeed. was looking forward to seeing him, alot. to maybe take my mind of mr bday boy who will be there. sigh. its okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

last night sittin on my bed at 5am, i felt this suddenly. lifting o spirits.. all along at times like that (5am after reading a storybook), i feel the compelling urge to text didi or someone to say something, generally the male i'm seeing. just to say something. but last night. that need to text was only short-lived and suddenly it lifted off me. really, i felt lighter and happy and i was smiling and almost crying w the sheer intensity of it. haha yes i know being single has make me a like wonky. bah..ah gong says its midnight highness. hahaha, but in e end i texted gerald to tell him _________ and got a rather interesting reply the next morning. haha ;)

okay. single mel is off to meet the best friend. then to meet the sydney ppl and have a hell of a time. single hot men in dbl o beware !

2008-06-07T13:23:00.002+08:00

its his birthday, and he just called to cancel out lunch appointment cos its kinda late. when there was no agreement on time the night before. yeap. disappointment, again..

its okay. i will go to double O tonight with the ladies and the hot guys and have loads of fun getttin high and dancing the night away! ignoring the fact that he'll be gettin himself pissed drunk a couple of tables away. we'll have 3 hot guys and i wont need him. yeap... see ya all at dbl O :)

2008-06-05T23:16:00.002+08:00

im very close to giving up.

the stages of progression are wrong.

mel doesnt bank on crushes. if she's gona let the crush grow, she's gotta know its worth it.

mel has to be THE ONLY ONE. if she feels like just another girl. she will jolly well walk away.

mel gets over guys in 3 days. she's only holding back the start of the 3 days cos she stll thinks there might be a chance.

does the idiot get it?

NOPE.

note to self: DO NOT, under any circumstances (eg, alcohol influence, raging hormones, pure stupidity....) date evergreens =)

2008-06-03T00:14:00.002+08:00

Hello! i'm back from a weekend of fun in Pulau Dayang! e diving was really an experience =) first time diving without my daddy. honestly i'm such a daddy's girl. but this trip has taught me to be alot more independent thats for sure! its not been an easy journey for me i'd admit, being co-organiser w erikson. i'm quite retarded honestly and i think i did hinder him a little more than aid. only JUST. after the whole trip, did i open hotmail and see the MANY MANY emails about the trip that have been sent. shit. and really. i need to work on counting, i can feel e area u use to count in e brain just shrinking. gettin figures isnt as easy as it used to be! ugh

anyway, assisted the dive instructor Desmond in leadin the open water team. they really are not bad open water students and performed well =) slight gliches here and there but on e whole they're a cool bunch =) guess u learn alot following the open water students. and it places this certain responsibility on u. see, for my past 100+ dives, i was nv responsible for anyone. daddy alwys looked out for me, i just swam along. so i take or granted things like keeping a lookout for the leader, or conrolling buoyancy properly cos it comes naturally for me now. but after being with the students, u realise that ure and example, and it makes u watch ur underwater actions more. the single dive i did with the leisure guys was bloody different. the bunch was pretty wild and harder to keep an eye on cos they kept disappearing all over the place. highlights revolve round the damn triggerfishes! one attacted Desmond and scratched his hand pretty badly, RATHER. SCARY. the other triggerfish exp. was when it attacked the leisure dive group. i saw a triggerfish and kinda panicked cos it was e same species that came after me when i was little. it tried to attact the other instructor but didn't do any damage, thank goodness. there was a leisure grp guy i pulled back and asked to stay back cos e triggerfish was pissed and it was dangerous. that funny chap, tried to show that he could fight the fish, so he pulled out a SPOON. yes, he yanked a bloody SPOON out and held it out to me. situational joke, but i'd never laughed that much underwater before.

oh well. i dno what to say about the trip. wish i had visuals to show, but they are in everyone else's cameras! haha when i get them all, or look on facebook =D haha alot of private thoughts and ideas im having now, dont know if they're all good. thought about issues i had on my mind before going for e trip, then ideas that formed during the trip, now i'm thinking about whats going on now. haha confusing right. well, mel's invovled, what would be expected.. we'll see how it goes after the outing..

met teletubby for dinner today, officially my favourite potongpasir friend seriously. talked about stuff, and yes, mel falls too easily =/

2008-05-29T17:32:00.001+08:00

Let me do some seemingly random rambling. I was pondering the state of evergreens. The innocence they seem to have which I will never figure even if my life should depend on it. The extreme shyness that seems to be packaged along with it baffles me. However meet the hybrid evergreens. The stated evergreens that have gone where no proper true evergreen has ever gone. This lot are the new generation grown experienced from increased alcoholic influence. Essentially, they still don’t know how to take care of a girl the way a girl deserves to be loved. And I was pondering on friendship. When friends cross the lines to become more, can you ever take a step back and keep the friendship? Chole e other intern, says the moment you cross the line you’re screwed. You will never look at your friend the same way again. He will not be friend X, but friend who’s interested, or friend you’ve kissed, or friend you’ve held, or friend you’ve ____. Yea, she says it’ll never be the same again. I wondered and realized I don’t agree. If you cant be normal friends with a guy you’ve dated/kissed, I’d be kinda short of friends right now. I think a friendship shouldn’t be thrown away just cos the guy stupidly fell for u, or u guys got drunk enough to make out. I suppose I believe friendships should be strong enough to withstand such shit humans get themselves into.

OKAY that’s all. I shall stop before I give the show away ;) celebrated teletubby’s birthday yesterday. Lucky boy, jean surprised him at dinner, jas surprised him with a cake and Brandon, just surprised him. Haha. There was supposed to be a kiss (by mel’s declaration…) which did not happen. After the absolute random meeting of random people, Brandon drove this Kongwei guy and I off to zouk. Did I mention I love his car? It’s a pretty red car =) don’t ask me what e hell it is. Its got 4 wheels and 4 doors. I just like it cos its red and rather small. Quite a sexy car I should think. We both went there with a common agenda of meeting someone. Kongwei just played supporting player. Was supposed to meet the divers but I was so late they ended up walking from Zouk to like Tanglin to stone while waiting for me =x made me feel awfully bad. Well I was feeling a little down, cos I looked forward to seeing someone who decided at the very last minute not to show up. I admit I was rather down  so I decided to go and meet hot handsome people and have a hell of a time. AND, as I wandered round e club w e 2 guys, checking out the crowd and such, this familiar frame loomed in front of me. I wasn’t hoping for much so didn’t really notice him, until he stopped in front of me and … … I swear I was close to tears  the disappointment and dashed hopes went out the window and this odd extreme happiness took over. Been awhile since I felt such random intense delight. He said he wasn’t coming! It was the sweetest surprise I’d had in a friggin long time. In fact, I cant remember when I last felt this. But happiness was short-lived. Yeap.. EVERGREENS. Ugh, this I will rant in private. Angry. So yea, went walking with the guys a little more and randomly decided to drink. Mel, knowing she couldn’t drink, SHARED one cup with Brandon. Talk about self control =) but he drank so slowly she got bored and downed the cup for him. Walked around, slacked around and went for supper. Bumped into him along the way  and his bloody, bloody, cute friend. Haha sweet. Back in e club, got disappointed time and time again. Gave up on e insensitive ass and went to look for my diving buddies. Haha divers are crazy. Totally insane. Haha which also means loads of fun and retarded highness! I had fun till I got a text saying he was heading outside for awhile. Went to look for him…disappointing. Then we all went to dance and get high again haha. After exhausting ourselves, headed outside to get some air. AND, I got disappointed again, and again. Another private story for the ears of the deserving only. SIGH. Males. I don’t get it. So I decided, “okay fine. We’re both not seriously bout each other then, this shall really be a fling. Have fun then screw it la!” but no, e chap went all emo and decided to have a HTHT and try to iron things out between us. Absolutely neglecting ignorant of my disappointment. Seriously, he was faking it. He REALLY didn’t know (that is why I don’t date evergreens.ugh) so I explained it to him (yes I know I’m NEVER that kind, but this time I actually tried). But did he get it? NO. did he repeat the exact same mistake? YES. At that point, I was really. Okay I don’t know how to describe it but hell, it wasn’t nice. The most infuriating thing was I knew he didn’t mean it. He wasn’t being a jerk, he was being, innocent! I don’t know how else to put it. Ugh. Its okay…

We will talk about it tomorrow then make a call. Then I’ll leave and go diving, taking whatever big decision we make along with me 

I’ve no net, so I wont be able to blog or msn or facebook for goodness knows how long till I go to didi’s house to use his computer. My best friend’s e best really. Haha =)

2008-05-27T11:35:00.000+08:00

Hello.

For those who’ve been trying to hang out. Here’s your chance. I’m gonna be officially free. Yeap, you guessed it. Mel got fired again  who e hell gets fired from an internship. But I guess this call is only appropriate. I decided that the company and myself was better off if I left and I came to terms with it pretty quickly. No I didn’t do anything retarded or wrong this time. It’s a mere incompatibility of personality and job scope. I’m not on school intern so technically I don’t have to stay and they don’t have to keep me since its no contractual thingy. Yeap. They say I don’t learn the way they need me too and I think differently and stuff like that. I work in a different style. My manager thinks I’m more suited for like Customer Relations and HR compared to Media and Journalism related work. I suppose she’s right. I often feel pretty loss in this office. Like I’m just doing what I’m told without much thought or anything going on. Not really right now that I think about. Since I’m getting peanuts, and its not compulsory and I’m not really benefiting, its better to cut my losses.

Haha my friend’s reaction was hilarious, she went like “what the fucking fuck? Fuck no!” Haha think she’ll have no more friend to confide in and lunch with now that I’m leaving. The IT support guy that’s become my email buddy’s down too. We agreed its quite cool to have an email buddy, like a new generation of penpal thing. Haha interesting but its coming to an end! Poor Shane 

Depressed mel was contemplating not going out after all and going home to sulk and brood over my loss. But decided not to be mean and pangseh sijian again. After all, we were gona watch the movie with the hot takeshi! =D so I went. BUTTTT!!! The movie was sold out everywhere!! On a friggin Monday no less! We walked from cine to ps to Cathay and back to ps and round and round before sitting under a random tent to chat. Haha funny person. Trying to con him to go mambo on wed now! =x for the records, I’m still single. (SMALL, ur boobs are at stake…. Its been TWO weeks)

Oh ya. And if any one has any form of job openings or hear of any one else looking for (short) girls to do normal temp jobs such as road shows, or really just standing there looking pretty, do let me know. I’m open to most kinda jobs like these as long as they don’t require me to sell tiger beer or something (thou German beer in a cute skirt and high boots is fine.. ;) ) haha! Let me know if any one has openings basically!!! I’m jobless and its time to drop e friggin decent shit I’ve been donning all month. That’s about the biggest HURRAY I have. Other than no more waking at 7.30 =/

And for those who know him, TODAY, 27th May 2008 IS TELETUBBY’S 21ST. HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLD MAN!!! Thanks for the 7 long years u’ve been a great friend to me =D now ure old and ancient, I will be super nice to you too! See ya in NTU you engineer!! =D

2008-05-21T10:21:00.000+08:00

20th May 2008, Tuesday

Less posts obviously indicate an increase in workload. Haha e weekend was fabulous! =D on sat met jean and jo then surprised jo with the rest of the 2J guys =D its so funny that after so many years the guys haven’t changed one bit! They’re still the whacking comical bunch they were. Took loads of pictures and had fun in the sun before heading to vivo for dinner =) haha it was a sweet event really, sitting around reminiscing the good ol’ days when we could do shit and no one cared. And how hilarious MEP days with Mdm Ong were. Unforgettable =)

Sunday. OMG SUNDAY! Horrid sijian suddenly couldn’t go blading with me and wonks couldn’t go swimming with me either  SO. Brave mel, determined to conquer singlehood, decided to go tanning and swimming, ALONE. Courageous? Brave? I know =) haha. But brave as I may be, it didn’t go THAT well. Within a few laps I was swinging terribly! Guess I’m not that used to singlehood afterall..

Monday was mahjong w Sydney gang, val fran and small =) haha fran and the lucky bucket! Nonsense I somehow managed to set my fingernail on fire.. tragic! Franny baby had to leave soon after so I got alvan to come along and he brought gary n jean along too! Haha it was amusing watching the groups click, or make an attempt too. Haha nothing exceptional happened. After that cabbed off w Alvan to go meet sijian for dinner! Haha nuren’s retarded. But he was gona book in so he had to fly off early  so I went off again to meet didi to have a chat =) its always a really warm, sweet feeling to chat with someone who knows you inside out. He finishes my sentences and reads the things I don’t say and feels the emotions I try to keep hidden. Besties for life, seriously =D haha. Now that I’m typing it I suddenly feel as though my day was super super long and I met a heap load of special friends =D more to come!

2008-05-13T18:09:00.001+08:00

Hey! Goodness, this is hilariously difficult. See every morning, we’ve gotta scan the global arena for news pertaining to our industry, competitors, and those who are kind enough to mention our company in their print. This morning, among the pile that was thrown on my table was “LIAN HE ZHAO BAO”. Yes, I’m impressed myself that I could read the name, nothing much else unfortunately. I barely managed to finish scanning the first page, since I could only base the content of the articles on the pictures and illustrations which barely gave away much (since I couldn’t read the caption below the picture). So yes, I was stressed beyond anything! Chloe wasn’t much help since essentially she’s as bloody ang-moh pai as me! Ah ok what am I rattling about, I’m not here to talk about this.

Suddenly, randomly, swee and I broke up last night. Gf says it may be expected, but certainly not then and in that way. I’d probably expect, over the next few weeks or even next sem, the poor boy’s gonna get all the “I told u so”s about how he were merely a fling. Irritating as it may be for me, let me clarify; flings don’t make it to the status of boyfriend. BUT not making it to the status of boyfriend doesn’t make someone a fling either. Its not THAT hard to understand really. It was painful. Partly cos it was so sudden and unexpected, like one day we were close and alright and suddenly its over. Its still no quite sunk in yet. And I get random bursts of hurt  sigh but I suppose it was a short relationship so I’ll get over it quickly. I’m not heartless. I just fall in love fast and get out of it just as quickly. I shan’t talk about it here to respect both him and myself but swee’s an absolutely wonderful guy. Although he may be a male version of Mel which generally makes him emo and retarded and random and illogical at times, there’s this sweetness and thoughtfulness that was just beginning to grow. Honestly, its an absolute pity we weren’t together long enough for me to really enjoy all that. Bah. Pity. Ok I’m going to cry….

ANYWAY, that aside, I was awfully upset when I got home yesterday so I rang best friend. Then I rang gf too! My HORRID gf was laughing at me L see, I discovered something that’s very alarming to me. And its awfully tragic I should think? After this breakup, Mel is left at a point of malelessness. There’s a difference in being single and being maleless. Now of course I don’t expect everyone to fully understand and appreciate the supposed bull I’m sprouting, but single, means not being attached. Whereas malelessness is a situation I recently found myself in, in which I’ve absolutely no significant male in my life. Be it, involvement or boyfriend or anything (my best friend doesn’t count since we no longer have any feelings for each other, and in case you’re wondering, getting back together isn’t even something we vaguely worked our brain cells on at all). Yeap. How e hell do you survive malelessness? Its nothing at all to most people. My gf’s been that all her life until THE PIG popped out one fine day and decided to love her and bully her gf (UGHHH). But Mel, nono, Mel has never been maleless. It started in sec 1, there was one close male friend, then after him, there was another, and another, and yet another!!! All the way from as far as I can remember, there’s been someone. Hell! I was even almost dating in primary school for that matter. Today, looking at it now, I’ve a heap of male friends of course, but no one I’m seeing or anything. Actually, I’m rather proud of myself! Mel without a male? Impressive. But the world ain’t a nice fat chocolate cake obviously, malelessness is misery inducing. Suddenly I sit at home and wonder. OMG who do I call before going to bed tonight? Who’s text am I going to be expecting tomorrow morning when I wake up. Which nice guy is going to give me my wake up call! So I asked gf, what do you do when you’ve nothing to do and you’re rotting on the bus? Who do u text? And she said…. No one? Normal answer to everyone, but unimaginable for me. How do the truly single do it? I mean, seemingly endless bus rides? With no one to text? Reaching home at 9pm without any one to talk to over the phone till u sleep at 1am? Suddenly, I’m flung into this deep mysterious world of singlehood and malelessness. And this new territory scares me. I’ve no idea how to be one how to act like one how to think like one. I asked gf, what are u doing on Sunday. She said “no plans?” NO PLANS?? Okay…the thought of a day with nothing to do scares e shit out of me. I was a nervous wreck the last time that happened.

Sigh update more tomorrow if im free in office. Going shopping with my mom later before meeting sijian to catch a movie =)!

2008-05-12T11:32:00.001+08:00

Rather ironic isn’t it, how the most free time I have to surf facebook and blog is at work! Haha I haven’t fully understood the Monday blues thing but people do seem to be a little grouchier on Mondays! However I’m absolutely bored. Been sitting at my desk doing nothing much whatsoever since the moment I stepped in today. Would much rather lie asleep in my bed, having scenes which could only be dreams and not more. =x

Yay! I found lunch buddies! Mak and Daniel (hussain) are working over at Novena! Which is a mere 2 min train ride away and my office is about 40seconds walk away from the mrt station! Coolness, no more office politics during lunch hours for me 

Let me update about Saturday! It was planned to be a very perfect birthday celebration for jasmine <3 at sentosa with the sun sea sand (hunks… …) BUT. The weather had to blow it. Well many thanks to jon who was sweet enough to drive down from boon lay to pick me up before heading off to vivo! Met small and jas and we went for lunch before deliberating whether or not to go ahead with out sentosa plan. Decided against it. Now what’s Sydney outing without some drama. Haha think two little girls running around Vivocity (in bikinis under dresses no less), looking frantically around, FOR CANDLES. Haha proudly presenting big and small =x haha managed to get the candles which we concealed in ample cleavage *coughcough* I bought jas a nice oreo cheesecake at starbucks and attempted the hilarious sticking of 20 candles into one slice of cake. Haha it turned out FINE, just so u know. BUT. Mel being mel who so cannot count. I just realized (after counting off pictures on facebook) that there were only 19 candles!! Shit. Jas we’ll light one more for u soon!! Haha. After that jasmine left and small and I shopped around vivo before going off to the east!! Haha went to FORT ROAD. Where I relived the days I stalked X along the long walk to 196 bus stop =D those were the days… then I remembered the times with Y and Z spent at marine parade library! Went there to get in touch with my more intellectual half as I waited for my ride from e class guys. Haha.. headed off to Jevon Babypowder’s birthday party at east coast park after that. Good to see the class again! And ESPECIALLY wonderful to see ah gong =D goodness its been how bloody many years. Ugh. Im the neglected friend after the girlfriend came into the picture!!! *sobs. The hurt……. WAILS* haha =) had a nice long talk with him which got me all emo and thinking. Yes I agree. I have way too many guys in my life for my own good. Sometimes I do wonder what its like to be a normal person with a normal number of people walking in and out of her life. Then u’d get a nice number of deep footprints and not a smooth beach with barely any that leave strong impressions. Then again I’m young and ure only young ONCE. There’s nothing wrong with having a ball of fun and living. But AH GONG. Thanks. Thanks so so much. Cant wait to meet u again, bring ur girl this time yea! Got to know this guy at the party who’s confirmed my belief on CJ people! Haha see, after zhong and muddy, I’m convinced that the F word is a vital part of their dictionary. Any less than 4 uses of THE word renders you not truly CJ output. Zhong Mudds and co. are living proof of this. After Vincent, I rest my case.

Sunday was much ________ eventful. Less or more I’m not sure. Its very much private so minimum disclosure here. But I thank you, my best friend. For being there for me all the time. Even though we’re over, its cool that we still turn to each other and we’re a form of support for each other. Without your ________ that afternoon I’d have crumbled. So we obviously don’t have a love that lasts a lifetime. I have a friend who will.

2008-05-09T15:49:00.001+08:00

I’ve started work =) internship at The Ascott Group (read: as-kert). NOT Escort. Common mistake I get a lot these days. The week started out really slack. All I did was just go online to hunt for numbers of certain certain people, like Elim Chew and MacDonald’s Managing Director. But e bomb fell on Tuesday… … I was suddenly assigned the impossible task of getting ____ done. E norm is for 4 people to work on this for 15 weeks. This time its one Mel and 8 weeks to get the same thing done. Been stressing my brains out over this. However, I’m really determined to make sure I don’t screw this up and I do a more than brilliant job at it! Besides this, piles of stuff have been coming up upon me. Simple stuff like “find out how long it takes to get me from Singapore to Paris” to bigger stuff… but I’m not complaining. In this one week I feel like I’ve really learnt a lot.

I’m doing this internship in Corporate Communications, which is essentially the PR of the company. We’re in charge of attracting and influencing the media to write great stuff about us =) its pretty interesting watching and learning what to do and use to get the job done! Been making lots of phone calls and learning what to say what not to, when to, and the lot…

I read the book The Pact by Jodi Picult (pardon me if I misspell her name) recently. Its not particularly engaging if ure looking at its content really, but the way it was written was what kept me going till the wee hours of the morn. I liked the way the author weaved the past and the present chapter by chapter. Its challenging since some ay its hard to keep two stories in your head at once, but that was the idea I particularly liked. The story talked about love, and loss. About how a young 17 year old boy shot his beloved to death. He claimed she longed to die, and as time passed, how she only became happy when she discussed her inevitable death, by choice. It looked at love in an unconventional way and it dealt with the phase of adolescence we know so well about and adults look at with such reproach. It set me thinking about many things. Many things I’ve chosen, whether or not they were for the better.

As you can tell there really isn’t that much to do now at work, since I’m free to the extent that I sit here updating my blog on Microsoft Word before copying and pasting it onto the blog, lest my boss walks past and catches me idling away on blogger.

Okay marketing communications just assigned me a task. Time to get busy.

Till next time =)

2008-04-25T03:04:00.000+08:00

hey. its post exams =) finally! sure its meant to be all fun and relaxing and u just chill and all but for some totally random, retarded reason im feelin awfully down and depressed x(

papers have sucked in general.bah uni isnt supposed to be this hard! gross.. after e papers went for lunch w gf + bf =) my 2 current almost favouritest people. BUT the bums BULLIED ME. and LAUGHED AT ME. and MOCKED MY STAMP PASTING ABILITY. all i about 5 min *wailssss. but still! loveee <3

headed to jp and spent damn long in pet safari w gf!this is wad hpns when one has a doggy and the other 3 hamsters haha. then i went to get my nails done! gorgeous =) i think nails are important really, especially girls with long nails! if ure gona keep them long, the least u could do is file them pretty and mayb top some clear coat or a nude shade over them! long unkempt nails are a real turn-off for me (one reason im sure im female) haha then we couldnt resist buying stuff we dont need like more clips n earrings!! haha. i suddenly realised that im so used to ppl givin me earrings that i dont know when was e last time i actually bought myself a pair! (little richkid... ......) after that we both buaytahan and headed back to nua =)

haha. okie why m i depressed. let me think.

post exam depression mayb. e common thing i get after every paper! the NEED to mug is not fulfilled :(

mayb its cos im packin to move out already. my stuff are in suitcases and paper bags and my cupboards and shelves are empty. feeling quite sad. esp if my dearest roomie cant stay anymore and this will be the last night im gona have to worry about someone reachin across to poke me ;) haha <3

of cos there are other reasons. while packin, i came across lots of old stuff i dont give a 2nd thought about anymore. until i found them of cos. then i suddenly realised that people change so damn quickly ure totally caught off guard. hmm maybe they dont change, they merely show a side of them they have kept hidden all the years for your benefit. then u wonder why love had restrictions. what happened to freedom in love and being loved and all that great nonsense.

i wrote a letter to myself a rather long time ago. penning down the fragments of random thought floatin round in my little head made me realised i loved someone that didnt exist. i was in love with a person purely fabricated by Mel. she played the scenes in her head and everything went perfect in her little world inside her head. then the jolt back to reality. :( oh f*ck, he isnt real.

this exam period, im way way slacker than i was this sem.. disappointed in myself. mel mel, u have 6 sems while everyone has 8. if u want ur first or second upper. ure gona have to work for it. what happened to the girl who got miserable and cried when she got a friggin B+. if she saw the pathetic state ur revision was in, she'd be ashamed. yes dont come tellin me its over and its no point cyin over spilt milk. this is reflection. let me reflect. BAH.

this exam period i've been a hermit. north and southspine readin rooms, pretending im crammin tonnes of knowledge into my brain when alot of the time im stoning. this whole sem in general has been packed full of backtoback activites. and i realised ive almost totally had no time at all to talk to my friends who matter. other then the sweet random phone calls, the drivin to my hall to say hi and chat, the random emails and phonecalls from QLD and LONDON!!!! =D ive been so far away from everyone. my sydney gang :( my girls frm bball :( vj nballers :( my close friends from rj :( my random random close friends :( i miss all of u terribly. really i do. ive tried to arrange and plan to meet people in e day and night from tmr till next next mon when i start work, but NUS doesnt finish papers till 5th may (SMALL!!) or sth :( yes im whinning. but im miserable. and im going to cry. so let me bloody. whine.

someone said a particular friendship i have is weird. friends dont criticise nor have no faith in each other. i'd love, trust, and have ur back at any time and i do care a great deal. i just wish, sometimes it'd be a little different.

im pretty sad about something that isnt quite workin in the right way. its headed in odd directions and we cant see light at the end of this tunnel. its time to look for a bend in the road and hopefully we'll come out better. it was a screwed start but im suddenly wonderin which side has lost faith before the other.

2008-04-06T23:20:00.000+08:00

how come that many people still come here? why do that many people bother visiting a stagnent blog. oh well. i probably will start blogging again. soon. after the exams of when i feel stressed out and in need of release. but i may move. its been said i change a blog add when i change a boyfriend. well then this would be the time for a closure.

but for now.

we'll see. its complicated.

2008-02-10T00:55:00.000+08:00

didi and i have broken up. after 3 yrs+ its over. this time i ~~think~~ know it really is.

im putting it up here. so i dont have to repeat it to everyone a million times. whoever is reading this may not understand some parts but thats cos ure not meant to. others who are supposed to will.

there is alwys the age and army issue. after calculation. he will enter army AFTER i graduate. so its a working girl and a fresh enlisted boy. how e hell is that gona work out? i dont think i dare wait till then and experience it and end up breaking up from a 6 yr relationship

quarrels. honestly, we quarrel about 3x a week or so. and its been this way for months. any logical couple would understand that CLEARLY, its not really working out. sure we do the whole "last quarrel. no more alr ok :)" but who are we kiddin its been this way for 2 yrs 10 months at least.

breaking up. everytime we quarrel, he goes "okay fine lets just break up" its very hurting, really and its very very sad that he gives up and walks out so easily. of cos after that theres the whole get back tgt cos he didnt mean it. but what if we do get married? get a divore and get back again? i dont want to live life that way.

friends. his friends and i are of a SERIOUSLY different frequency. really. really bad. i cant describe it.

different lifestyles and expectations in life and in the future. he wants a stay home and help with business wife. im not like that. i'll end up being more career minded and spending more time in e office than with him or something along those lines

dying feelings. lack of time. communication. happiness. etc. whenever we see each other we're unhappy. within half an hr sometimes. its so so damn sad. we try to make it work when we meet but it just doesnt. and we're alwys irritated w each other such that its been a long time ive truly felt happy with him

ARMY. do i really really love him enough to go thru 2 yrs w/o him? will i really not meet someone else? will i be able to love him throughout when im working? i dont want to go through the pain of it and realise no. sigh

TOY. its been 2 yrs i know. wtf right, get over it mel. but i cant. its still a big wedge between us. i think of her all the time and i dont trust him the way i used to. he picked her when i trusted him the most and when i least expected it. he went to a new shcool and met new friends. i said it was good to go have fun with his class and make new friends in school so life is interesting. yea he did that. and ran off with the bloody ij girl. e betrayal was. unbearable.

involvements. nuff said.

i know 3 yrs is frigging long at 19. but people change. we were perfect for each other at 16. i swear nothing could have torn us apart. but we grow up sometimes and growing up could mean in different directions. and when there's nothing else to hold on to. mayb its time to let go.

goodbye

2008-01-10T15:03:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone

what can i say suddenly. been ages since i last said anything here. and heaps and heaps have happened. lets just skip it all till random times i feel like blogging then i will.

feel like saying something about a really special luncheon i had yesterday. got a random call one afernoon inviting me to attend an informal lunch session with the associate deans of the business school. they never mentioned what it was about and what i was to expect. of cos everyone speculated and drew random conclusions, what did something horribly wrong, deans list, kicked out of school, all came out haha but none of them were true of cos!

e moment i stepped into e room and took a look around, i realised that this was no random selection of students. everyone here was somebody. it was then i felt like a total nobody. around me i see loads of familiar faces. RJ students, nanyang scholars, GPA 5.0 friends, ABC members, club presidents, etc. left me wondering what e hell i was doing there with the elite. whoops! then again, e fact that i AM there must mean something right? later on, i also found out that everyone there had a pretty respectable GPA. now we know who e smarties are in school. now its no wonder i felt outta place huh. im not extremely smart, nor am i a big part of any club or commitee like those people! im just mel really.

in that session, we discussed school policies and semester 1 stuff. especially then intership and attachment we'll be doing after yr 2. after e session, i felt different. up till now, i still feel different. being there gave me this confidence in my future. hearing stories of success of fellow nbs undergrads reminded me how likely i was to make it one day. it also reminded me that i have to take the initiative to go out there and grab what i want. before it gets taken by fellow uni undergrads around e world and in singapore. its inspired me to apply for and read up on stuff i normally would simply delete frm my ntu email.

all along i felt that being a sports person was kinda useless. sure it granted me a very respectable 2.4km PB, and it made me make many new friends and such. but it was only until yesterday i learnt how useful it actually is on a CV. sports people are tough. our mental strength endures days and days of intense competition in the playing field. a basketballer has the ability to work under stress with a team, and as the controller, ive learnt to read the movements of others and predict their next move, then make the call to bring e team forward.

i thought i was nobody. but prof ___ told me that to be standing in that room speaking to him, i am somebody :)

2007-11-30T00:42:00.000+08:00

1 yr younger + 1 yr poly + 1 yr repeating sem

= 3 yrs later than my batch of guys to go army

= he'll be going in after i graduate

= working gf army bf?

how is it going to work out.

my pathetic math skills only realised NOW.

depressed.

mayb thats y they were put together for awhile.

counting it, they'd be perfect. bloody 1989 retainees.

:'(

2007-11-26T00:37:00.000+08:00

HELLO

i feel guilty not updatin a shit when all e NUS ppl who still havetheir exams are updating, namely my dearest sisters tan. btw i miss you guys. even more than i miss franny baby. whom i also miss alot cos he is totally retarded and army isnt helping one bit. haha

im suffering from post exam depression (at this point of time. i am sure nus and smu ppl wana kill me) the suddenly lack o mugging is making me moody and im feelin pretty empty thou my schedule's full and ive something to really look forward to everyday till about a week + from now. didi says this is a typical mel reaction to after exams, happened after e Os an As too! only i didnt know.haha how silly of me really. i even went to e lib to get some story books but it doesnt work! thinking of starting next sem's studying =/ haha

today, i went to vivo with ezen and cheemin. our beloved xiangting, taking her royal time, was 2 hours late!!! its okay. royalty ma!! haha we shoped and kept eating and sat around watching the sea (so they say), watching construction work (mel thinks). sat ther listenin to music and havin e wind blow against us till e sunset =) then we went to play POOL. omg damn lousy ezen n chee vs mel n xt. first to winning 3 games! haha omg. they won 3-2 BUT! 2 outta 3 of their wins were CHEAPSKATE (i dont mean to insult u small). they only won cos xt popped e black, twice. CHEH. so technically, e girls won=) what kinda guys lose girls in pool!? haha

okay my life is so boring i've nothing much to say now. haha i wana watch nice dramas. any recommendations? haha i dont want winter sonata/stairway to heaven type please. thoese bore e shit outta me. i rememebr in sec 1.. me n phoebe attempted winterS. we BOTH fell asleep in e first episode, until her mom came back hours later to find to sleeping pigs and a runnin dvd player =/ haha

u know, even though i basically can start talking and chatting with practically anyone. there are a select few (extremely extremely few), i just cannot clique really well with. meaning we like each other perfectly fine, no bad feelings and all. but words just dont flow..usually it doesnt matter to me at all.no biggie u see. i gel with at least a hundred for each of them there are. BUT. its quite a pity. that ____ happens to be one of them. it suddenly dawned up me. how we can start talkin, but hardly much. it alwys pauses and ends. really it does. its such a pity. could be cos its something ive wanted for so many years. now that i have the chance im speechless (mel speechless? ok mayb not.) but still. i find myself trying again and again to make it start another day. mapping out plans and all that nonsense. i've realised i have to try to not think about _____ and how much he charms me. cos its nothing more than a fantasy thats too far away. its just not happening, like fetch (mean girl?). like how ive stopped using juzadream. this is just a dream. its just a dream. he's just a dream. and i've woken up. its time to delete the tab to his friendster in my favourites. time to have one last cry and let it go. ive never smiled and felt the way he made me feel, even years after. but it really is just my wishful thinking. and mel is not used to not getting what she wants. goodbye fantasy. really.

2007-11-17T18:52:00.000+08:00

hello!

i should be studying. i know i should. this is why i didnt want to come home!

haha its 6.50pm. and i just woke up. hahahaha im a pig right. i swear its e air con and e soft everything! it does things to youu! and now there's no more sunlight and im moody. i swear im retarded haha. but i want my sunlight

exams have gone really well so far. ive never really felt this good after half my exam before. BUT e pessimistic part o me says that everyone prob thought it was easy TOO. so if they all do damn well. by the norm, i will be PUSHED to e bottom of the friggin bell and get B :'( i donttt wannntttt a BBBBBBBBB.

been feeling kinda odd recently. like not really talking much with the girls/guys i used to talk to alot or hang out with alot due to e exam things. all smses i get now are like
"mel! how were ur exams?!"
"mel! mug together?"
i suppose its a MUST for now but i just miss everyone.

was having a more serious conversation with muddy. in case anyone wonders its NOT going to be anything but pure pure friendship w muddy. ahaha and we were talkin about whether a platonic relationship between friends is possible. i think so. and i would like it to be so with quite a few others. dont do something stupid. dont try anything dumb. i like the friend friend relationship we have now. let it remain this way.

OMG OMG OMG SMINT IS COMING HOME IN 30min! i so cannot wait. SMINT I KNOW U READ THIS. i have been looking forward ALL day. even though i was asleep! i announced ur arriving to didi liike a million tiemss. ahhh i miss you! WOOHOO~ yayyy~ haha

2007-11-11T02:22:00.000+08:00

hellO!

i've e new phonee. yay =D my daddy's really e bestest daddy in e world! he came home from brunei and bought me a dive computer cos he's so damn worried i'll hurt myself during the dive trip with the school next year. hah after that we went to buy a new phone for me =) wanted the pretty sony erricson S500i or W580i! but it was totally out of stock island wideee! woahh! super sellable la. haha in e end i bought a samsung!! rarr i dno how to paste it but its e U70o or 12.1 from the ultra edition, the slide one wiht a mirror front. everyone tells me its a pretty phone suitable for the vain pot i am BUT u know its like not first choice and i dont like being 2nd best. rarrr.

anyway back to the nicest daddy in e world part, see e stupid starhub chap couldnt help me copy my contacts SO he suggested i go home and MANUALLY type every single contact into my phone. i was like raelly WTF. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. but i did anyway. or rather my nice daddy did. all i did was read him the names and numbers and he just tyed away. so nice right!!we sat ther for 2 hours doing this. ahah at the end he declared that i just have too many friends and we should just delete everyone. haha. nooo!!

so after that we drove all e way back to the shop again to get my damn phone. haha got it! then i went home to find a way of gettin all my contacts back into the new phone. damn. suddenly u feel as if 800 contacts is way too many. e idiot wanted me to manually type them all in. er. NO. haha ddaddy helped me install something and spent another 1 hr++++ getin it to work and helping me copy all my contacts from the pc into my neww phone. i picked about 700 people to put in only thou. so e 100 that ive missed :/ sorry.

anyway as i was going through the list of numbers. i realised some things.

1. SMALL HAS 4 NUMBERS. why ah?! ahaha

2. There are quite a number of people i havent talked to in ages.

these are e people who meant a great deal a long time ago, eg. yong jun? samantha? cavell? cindy? erwin? jeremy? haha from a long long time ago when we were very close. how time flies. i still remember most of their faces. and some of the things we used to do together. some of the trees we used to climb. i suddenly have the urge to message all of these people to tell them HEY i still rememebr you and i suddenly miss you! do u even rememebr me? but, i am so afraid of hearing that i've been forgotten and the memories are merely one sided. rarr x( but i supose i shall pick or choose one or two and send....? *shrugs.

then there are people whom i dont even remember and there are like ALOT of jasmines and yilings and alans and jeremys and jonathons and stuff like that. with each name i look at a different memory hits me (walao i got hit 800+times) some beautiful, some disgusting, some just plain erm...ugh f*ck off.... .... ...... ..... ........................ ..............................................

just now i was looking at this old box i have and i poured e whole chunk of letters i've had from my 3 mths in RJ. how i managed to fill that box in 3 months i still dont know. i read what my classmates, random people, old dunman rafflesians have written and suddenly i realise that whats going on in NTU is nothing compared to what i went through there. the scrutiny and bitchings are so mild here, particularly cos there are so many more people to yak about. haha that might explain my heck-care attitude about these rumours and stuff. cos its like e erm... (pri sch, sec sch, rj, vj...) 5th time im hearing nonsense people fabricate about me. so it doesnt relaly bother me really. its kinda what was easily predicted even before i stepped into the school. haha how i started hooking up males in clubs before the first time i ever clubbed with my lovely sydney gang. how i slept with X no. of guys even though i've yet to try sex. sometimes i wonder where all this creativity came about. silly people. perhaps if all e efforts got dumped into marketing and OB, we might see a great deal of A+s this year on 15 and 22 november.

anyway! the exams are near!! oh my!!! lets all study hard and do well ok? haha all e poor ntu ppl who have exams next week GOOD LUCK. ahahah all e smu and nus chaps still have time to watch movie, play bball, go shopping, and stuff. haha i suppose my turn will come soon. rarrr

ALL THE BEST PEOPLE. get those As =D!

really couldnt find many new pics but this is it so far. haha handsome feminine engine mugger. my pri school senior some more! how small e world is =D

2007-11-02T02:17:00.000+08:00

i dont like ____.

hurts

and it make me moody for no reason. its cause every little thing to be blown crazily out of proportion.

when my food doesnt arrive it feels as though the whole world's out to get me and the chicken hates me so it ran away and didnt get cooked.

when i study and get bored i feel like crying cos the book looks too fat to be studied.

when i cannot decide on something it seems as though the world is about to end.

and being afraid of the dark is extra scary when its here.

i feel super tiny and the world feels very big. and cars look scary.

okay i feel like crying now.

oh look what didi sent to cheer me up

i swear my boyfriend is totally retarded.

i hate periods rarrr

2007-10-29T17:05:00.000+08:00

You Are An ENFJ

The Giver

You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed.
Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections.
Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down.
You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine.

In love, you are very protective and supporting.
However, you do need to "feel special" - and it's quite easy for you to get jealous.

At work, you are a natural leader. You can help people discover their greatest potential.
You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

How you see yourself: Trusting, idealistic, and expressive

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Bossy, inappropriate, and loud

What's Your Personality Type?

Haha i suppose its true to an extremely large extent!

been getting random smses from people i havent been talking to for months or years and i've sent a few myself. all of a sudden these people appear back in ur lives and u realise how much u've missed them over the years. how the every single day bus ride home together then the phone calls till late were long long gone. suddenly everyone's seemed to grow in totally different directions. especially after entering uni, everyone seems to have grown tremendously. didi says i'm pretty much the same internally - naive but sweet, blur but honest, retarded but intelligent. but he says he's worried for me cos i see the world very simply and in an awfully straightforward manner. like everyone is supposed to be nice and there are no meanies around. haha then it suddenly hits like a bus that people are cunning and they are cruel. and they can be horrid even if u dont do a thing to them. and some of them have such big heads u dont know whats going on in them (HAHA) suddenly im stunned. that people actually make friends for the sake of exploiting them and tapping onto their capabilities. like what? how does that even get into ur head. ugh

conformity. realised i dont really subscibe to that much. my sister was reading some psychology text of mine which said how there are numerous kinds of people and the last being those who arent totally mainstream and "nomal" who are overly loud and enthusiatic and crazy and all. my sis was like "HEY LOOK! WE FIT THERE! *BEAMS*" and i was pretty puzzled. is being abnormal all that great? she said "well at least we fit somewhere! there's a category just for us!!" this said with all her innocence and big watery eyes.haha makes me feel different about myself.

the giant difference between me and ezen da ge is that he is willing to conform to norms even if they go against his thinking and logical reasoning. even if it makes no balls of sense. as long as everyone else does it, it has to be right. its as though his life aim is to maintain world peace with the world. as long as im part of it all im cool im fine he seems to think. i sppose thats how people get by and make it through as a normal everyday kinda person. haha the only thing he's done thats probably off the norm would be to grow close to me. and get influenced by my thinking. haha which is about 180 degrees off the normal standards. there are times when friends and group mates do things which are. unethical and not very nice, which he lets go. closes both eyes and of cos doesnt tell me!! now after its all over he goes.

"hey u know...that time.... he..... so we..... not very nice la..... but....... nevermind also hor......" NO ITS NOT OKAY CANNOT NEVERMIND. those would be occasions we dont agree. haha. anyway after that conversation i got back to my room and spoke to the member in question and set things in order again. sometimes im too hard on people. sometimes i wonder how bad things would get if everyone just got their way in everything.

haha my mummy's home from the USA =D i miss my family. i'm longing for it to be complete once again. come 5th nov, my daddy will be back for awhile at leas :( not far far awayyyy rarr brunei is so far. with all the tigers and boars. sniff. stayin in hall i realise the importance of family. like everything moves in and out of ur life. but they are the core that stays. really they are. since i was a little girl like half my height now. my mom would say. no matter what i do wrong or what happens to me, i can always go home. the doors of home will never close to me =) i now understand exctly what she was sayin. if i have kids one day. (ugh..) i will tell them that as well.

and someone told me. for you to know that much about what i do, when i do it, how i do things, whether or not they are accepted, you must notice me a heck lot. thank you, im honoured. but please please try try try hard to pry ur devoted attention away from me and onto others. then u can start speculating and coming up with odd perceptions of them. i think ur job with me shd be done.

2007-10-21T02:33:00.000+08:00

pei wen says:
hee i used to tink dat u r a bimbo
pei wen says:
hee i realised dat i was so wrong
pei wen says:
u aint one hee

CHECK THAT OUT.

so for those who think that i am.... its just that u're LAGGING in ur realisation =D

oh yea.

zi high -_-"

2007-10-14T02:28:00.000+08:00

HELLO

i know i have to do OB. but i am tired and stressed. and editing the entire 3000 word thingy is goddamn tiring. i love my group. but next time i will gather and form a group of people with strong english ;) haha..

my week's been much better than the last i must say. thou now its quite xiong with that friggin 3000 word thing + 1 OB presentation + 1 marketing presentation + maybe stats case study due. rarrrrr.

i have suddenly been talkin to random people i've met in school and talking quite a bit and hanging out occassionally and stuff. its kinda surprising what you learn from the people u say hi bye to but never actually go get to know. sometimes u wonder if you do really want to know what you find out in the end. oh well. every coin has two sides i suppose

i realise im so stressedfrom school i cant even do things like SHOPPING. was shopping a little with ezen after project while waiting for didi to cme meet me :) i was constantly thinking of OB OB OB that i couldnt relax and enjoy browsing x( he bought formal pants in the end and i didnt get anything. didi bought me a peach tart and some new stickers to brighten my day :) I LOVE WINNIE E POOH. having more and more AND MORE stickers just make me litttle-kiddish happy.

i also realised, being in hall, i miss my family alot. esp my little sister. she's been comin to NTU for ivp basketball cos she's in the nanyang poly team. and i find myself just really wanting to go over to NIE to see her and show her some support. im always eager to wrap up what im doing to head over to wave and give her a hug =D ahaha shortness does run in my family, so said someone who met her -_-"

and kids grow so fast you know. i havent gone to didi's for almost a month now :( and suddenly my baby is no longer a baby. she's gotten so tall her baby fats are gone (shit, mine have yet to go) and she can speak. haha i was sleeping when she came and she couldnt wake me so didi asked her to go bathe saying i didnt bother about her cos she was smelly. haha then after bathing she came and said "jiejie, lingling chong liang le. hen xiang bu hui chou chou le. gen wo jiang hua hao ma?" loosely translated. its "sister, lingling's bathed. smelling nice =) not smelly anymore, please talk to me?" haha and No i didnt wake up still. im a pig. haha but when i did she ran over and hugged me and talked non-stop. im marvelled at how well a 2 yr + kid can speak. haha

ok i shall leave with some pictures again =D

I felt intellectual and smart!!
Pink cupcake birthday party
EZEN CHNG being an ass again!!!
spoiling my every photooooooo
inner girls =D
my steals from the body shop sale in e last post! ALL THAT cost me only like $30. WHAT A STEAL RIGHT
random photo i came across. the one calling us midgets i SUPER. FAST
okay im self obssessed. whats next
kisses =D
seriously, bimbotic or not, i love the hair colourrrr *wheee

2007-10-05T03:13:00.000+08:00

well done.

mel is pissed off today. or right now to be exact.

shant put blame on e day at large since it was really productive and enjoyable. project went well but damn tiring. then went to pick up stuff at The Body Shop warehouse sale with gf. WOAH its like one of the bestest sales i've every been to! stuff were dirt cheap with lippies going at $3-5 and body lotions at $5 and gift sets at $20 from $50. helped people get stuff and spent close to $350! ahaha so retarded. u get one lip gloss for every $50 spent and between me n gf we had like 10! haha looked really silly with 10 identical lip glosses in e same shade. was damn tiring lugging e items around e sale cos they were so heavy! but e stuff i bought made my mummy, wanyi, Jj's gf, bingy, and me happy :) so i think it was worth it

YOU know, i've spent e week tryin to understand and discover independence, or rather, to learn to not be dependent on... ... ... all i've learnt is that independence is avoidance. thats all i've been doing to attempt to be independent. pure simple avoidance and distancing from you. as if anything that went on on one side didnt concern a friend and didnt matter the least to the other. if thats the way its suppose to be, then mayb e whole concept is screwed. if its suppose to be the feeling of losing two of the best friends i have made in the past month or so then fuck the concept of independence really. by having two additional strangers in my life, is that independence? wouldnt that make independence merely being able to be without friendship and such. i'm sorry, that isn't mel. this probably boils down to the different importance and perceptions of a particular friendship by different people in it. didi wonders why i bother so much. he thinks girls think too much. yes i am a thinker. and all my thoughts are weird and off. i dont know how to tell you this in person for we are all busy, and the only thought i get when i see u is to move away and head off in search of independence.

and i appreciate efforts and attempts aimed at making me growup/mature. quoting ezen, the idea is there. i really appreciate these attempts and they are welcomed. i know where they are coming from and where they attempt to bring me. for that, thank you. but you, my dear, should probably take sensitivity lessons. all babies know how to cry. and if its going to involve frequent knocks on my doors for criticism of everything from my bedsheet to how i stand to my random sounds... really i will be happy being a winnie-e-pooh loving baby. i have 3 years till i reach the ripe old age of 22. i will get to where you are eventually. quoting didi here, ________. thank you

why I am fucking pissed with soandso. after his odd objections of the forms of outings i have with didi and co. i talked to didi about it. whether or not it is fine by public opinion if i watch a movie with him and a couple of his friends. the difference between seeing it as one girl with five guys. and a couple with three friends. its not a personality problem. its a perception problem. my family and i are not that conservative. there is no issue in my family with 6 men going diving with 1 woman. much less a movie dammit. and there really is nothing that extremey grown up about believeing going out with a significant other has got to be one-on-one. it really is forcing an argument out of nothing to take place since we both actually are in agreement. illogical? go to the fucking zoo.

2007-09-28T20:35:00.000+08:00

should i cut my hair short??

2007-09-21T06:35:00.000+08:00

Hello! just some pictures from some time ago i FINALLY learnt how to shrink them so i can post them!! =)

my bimbotic episode with ling ling

hall clique celebrating JJ's bday =D

Pageant girls at e photoshoot =D

Pageant babies =D all of us.

in costume

again :)

executive n secretary?

never once did i fall..

hall clique + peiyi! pure happinesss~

hall king and hall prince!!

hall king and hall queen!! royalty!!!

Pageant babies, nervous backstage =x

pageant girls, w/o lala!!! x(!

my pageant partnerr ~

main focus is not jj, its my wonderful room. suddenly i think it needs packing :s e table behind is mine~

2007-09-21T06:06:00.000+08:00

hello!

6.06am, im awake! odd huh. in about an hr or so my gf's gona wake up and study (pengz). meant to do OB&D proj then go off to bed. but shoppin online got the better of me. its addictive.

my my. i realise i suck at remembering normal faces. there are way to many people in NTU for me to rememeber all e names and faces. so i really am in general waving to whoever waves and smiling to whoever smles. for some reason this happens alot in Canteen 2. haha random observation these couple of days..

ive been emo again! and i feel like smackin my own butt for it and for stressing e hall ppl. im sorrrrrryyyyyyyy! its odd. how ive been feeling pretty lonely these 2 wks. even though im constantly surrounded by the bestest people u could ever ask for neighbours =)

my roomie's e greatest of cos, thou she cant stand my weird unconcerned attitude towards dust. it is quite funny really. when woman goes magicclean the floor then ask "see how clean e room is mel?" then i think to myself "huh? was there dust in e first place!" but i think its time to clean my table. i found a few bodies of dead insects and dust balls and (let me confirm, im checking) hair, tissue bits. oh my my. when is didi coming ah. hha

there's wan. yi. haha their names are damn versatile i telll u. no matter how u mix and match still ok. e 4 words are wan yi hui ling.
wan yi
hui ling
wan ling
hui yi
wan hui
yi ling
wa i think my math rocks. this is a kinda or permutation? or combination? haha im not sure either. those 2. kee siao. seriously. i dno what else to say. haha they are also my bathing parnters. and i have started to grown dependent on them. sht.

and downstairs of cos there's the guys. bingy and jj. nicest guy in e hall and mr. handsome boy. haha had a very, enriching, enlightening, disturbing, etc.... chat with e guys till late last night cos i zi high and cant slp again. (haha small if ure reading this, my HIGH after 8 still applies) haha. i learnt things i've never known from these 2. and jj is officially e guy in NTU who makes me cry e most. someone chuck one of my sister's gold medals at him please.

u know, i think im a weird person. jj credits it to my traumatised childhood. bingy credits it to my ultra loving daddy who's decided to shelter his baby daughter since she was little, ensuring she'll only marry one who's capable of lovin her in e same manner. but yes i think im weird. im highly dependent. and ultra needy. ie, i'll prob curl up and die if no one bothers about me e whole day. and i'll be really lonely and get depressed and crying if left alone. e thought of comin back to hall in e afternoon when no ones around scares me. ugh. what a worm mel seriously. u need to grow balls. im also really sticky. literally. go firgue.

ok i suspect whatever's been biting me is living under my table. i just got bitten again. ugh. what a bitch. when i find u. u will be our JCRC's vp's supper tml night. ugh.

have i ever mentioned that i love balloons. esp those helium filled flying ones! call me a kid but i really cant help smiling watching them =D haha i also love bubbles. i like to blow bubbles. look at bubbles. pop bubbles. run about with bubbles. haha i love kites. didi was e first person to fly a kite with me. he taught me to. or at least he attempted to. i didnt raelly succeedd, even thou im totally unbimbotic and totally smart.

i want to club. havent clubbed for damn damn damn damn damn damn damn long. bloody 2 months i think. withdrawal symptoms alr. omg!

oh another random bit of info, FRANCIS's COUSIN IS MY TUTORIAL MATE. haha like wth? damn qiao. haha they call him STELLA. and i havent told her about what happened after drinking. hha. im really looking forward to the sydney gang thing on sat!! OMG ITS 2 days from now!! ahhH~ haha been damn long since i actually saw e girls (franny is a girl). i miss them. even thou we're not close till charles would term "suck cock buddies", we have ur fair share of joy and laughter dont we =) even thou one memeber's missing! and we miss her.! we'll still have fun and play around while we're attempting to keep our GPA's up! hoho im excited. SMALL ARE U READING THIS.!!!??? SUAY LIAP AH. i didnt grow. hahahah

i am going to sleep. cos its very late. and i cannot sleep when e sun comes up. and i have project tml. (now is a good time to use the word really) I FUCKING DONT WANT TO GO. those who've heard why u'll get why. those who havent. er u wont then. haha. i dont think its appropriate to say it here.

2007-09-21T05:56:00.000+08:00

hello people! this is quite interesting
(hello wanyi i know ure reading this =D )

A kiss isnt just a kiss, or simply a precedent to sex and foreplay.
Most men simply dont realize how important a first kiss is to a woman.
Kissed for the first time by a new or potential lover,
a woman decides right there and then
whether youre in for a second, longer dive.

Good kissers make an unshakable impression.
If you can kiss with much sensuality and confidence that the only
option for your kiss victim is to beg for more,
you can expect the other party
to have opinions of you higher than the
roof above your head.
Its bonus points for physical attraction,
and it gets you very far often into the bedroom.

Good kissers have a range of techniques and
types of kisses for every occasion at their disposal.
A lot of (first) kisses happened in clubs, for some reason,
while youre giddy with groovy music pumping in your
ears and alcohol pumping in your blood.
Everyone looks cuter, dont they, in
that supernatural nightlight swirling
around you. But that doesnt mean
abandoning all rationality and diving
straight into the lusty kill hoping it
might get you a sneak to the toilet for
a naughty quickie, especially if its a
first kiss.

Regardless of the location,
take note of a little helpful advice!

1. Check your breath.
Bad breath is a major turnoff.
Be mint-ready, and eat something light the
meal before the special moment, if you meant it to be.

2. Test the waters.
Youll need to feel the other party out,
and finding the right moment. You dont
want a forced kiss and a hell lot of
embarrassment. If you have trouble
reading signs, make a move on him or her
by getting closer and check the reaction.
Make shifting glances from the lips and eyes.
Response should be positive before you move on,
if he/she backs out, you do that too, no matter
how much you want it. Save some dignity
for yourself.

3. Start slow.
And that does not involve your lips yet.
Body language is important prior to that
moment when lips touch. Reach to touch
his/her arms, or the waist, or the small
of the back. When both of your lips
meet, dont dive the tongue in just yet.
There shouldnt be too much groping wetness.

4. Variety, please!
Dont stick to one boring form of kissing!
Add surprises, and not too much tongue.
Dont engulf your kisser in your mouth either.
You can move from short, soft kisses to longer,
deeper and more intense ones.
Change the angle of your head,
and remember to breathe.

5. Kissing doesnt just happen on the lips.
Body parts included. Go for small pecks
and nibbles on the neck, the earlobes
when the heat is turning up.

in case ure wondering, NO i DID NOT write this -_-" and NO i did nt just give up my first kiss. hahaha.

2007-09-16T01:32:00.000+08:00

nostalgia
a wistful or excessively sentimental sometimes abnormal yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition

funny.
how just listening to a song brings back so so many memories
even thou we never even heard the song together before
all i did was stare at u as the song played

unsettling.
how catching a certain scent in e wind turns my head
its as if im lyin by you again
thou that moment was long forgotten

sweet.
how i smile as i long for that saturday 5 years ago
when i rested my head against the piano
mesmerised as i watch your fingers do magic

i stand here looking at my life now. e whirlwind of activites in hall i've packed myself with. the stack of textbooks and notes beckoning me (which i am ignoring). e datelines i'm missing. e dates i ought to arrange but have yet too. tong's flying off tomorrow. and i've yet to meet him. even thou im having fun. i realise i dont know what im doing. then insert didi into the picture. its even larger a blur to me. we're holding on. but.

2007-09-09T22:32:00.000+08:00

hello!

i havent updated for a month now. thank you to the loyal people who actually still click on this link. haha

been really busy tryna adapt to school life. my TWO DAY WEEK. haha busy w hall acitivities and for e last 2 weeks hall pageant. ahah pageant was really, memorable i'd say. cos of the gorgeous high ppl. think we're a bunch of 10 ppl whose dictionaries all dont have the word "shy" haha. my partner was this block 70 chap junjie. not too bad la he's a pretty nice guy. more updates on private blog when i feel like it not today.

haha i just realised i have ALOT of projects comin up that i must finish ad i dont have e time to do them all so i need to start now. and im involved with so many things in school as well. thre's dive comm, cheerleading, dance, block rep duties, interblock games, hall activites, tuition kids, etc. super tiring.

been quarelling a hell lot w didi as well. e last one was especially bad. im not gona say more, whether here or pvt blog. but it went seriously bad. sigh

2007-08-09T00:51:00.000+08:00

hey school's started. in these couple of weeks. so much has happened so quickly. i've made too many friends to count and too many to remember the names of all. so its become generally smiling at anyone who smiles. and printin notes is a total chore. ugh. lotsa stuff to read and print! hai its seriously independent learning. not good for a baby like me.

then there's always hall life. ohmygod i love hall life. i love my neighbours. everyday its just really re nao and loud and noisy at night when everyone is talkin to everyone and gatherin at my room to gossip and exchange juicy little secrets. ok everyone kinda means my bimbo gang + gf + their signi. other(s). haha but its a hell lotta fun. and its like havin people around u all the time whether u wana eat/bathe or simply take a walk. then there are tonnes of ppl from other halls i've agreed to meet and agreed to eat with but havent gotten e chance to im so sorry! i will yue u ppl soon. and when ive cleared them all there's the people living at jurong and west area to catch up with. =) haha i feel so happy and excited just thinkin about it.

then again there's the horrid balancing of school work! ugh. i was lookin at my readin assignment for a subject and im stunned and sadded instantly. so many pages of so many puny words *wailssss* smart ppl please pass me some brain cells okay. haha but at least i've got lots of time to read and learn. cos my timetable is shit slack. haha they have this whole system wheerby u have to take sme electives thats totally no link from whhat ure studyin. think its really cool that there's this system. only u never get to take what u wana take cos its already taken. holy irrittating man x( ugh. haha i havent gotten anything i want yet. so i'm like stuck w only doin 3 subject modules when my friends are doing like 5-7. so tragic huh.

im amazed at how fast ppl are pairing up in hall and in uni. its like we've all known each other about 10 days and already so many couples have formed. so many things are happenin all around me that i'm starting to lose focus of who i am, wheere i belong, etc. its quite overwhelming sometimes. at a point. i was lost. i didnt know who i was and why i was doing what i was doing with whom i was with. that was troubling.

i need to totally stop drinking. haha quoting DENSE "mel ah. everynight sure seh one. cos everynight we play any game she sure lose" which is quite true now i think about it. and anyone who knows me knows i cant drink for nuts. so its quite dangerous. esp aft Jash i learnt alot. hmm. someone said something to me yesterday which affected me ALOT. i dont think he knows the impact of his words. were nothing more than a line of concern i supppose. but thanks for that jolt back to reality. hmm.

2007-07-23T00:12:00.000+08:00

hello!
goodness so much has been happenin since i last blogged. hongkong trip + nbs foc. ive had so damn much fun these couple of weeks! let me update on nbs first!

nbs rocked really. i had a high and fun OG. and e seniors there are jus fab honestly. even e super old ones. it was kinda odd at first seeing some 24/25 yr old guy playin stuff like "concentration" and yelling TONGKAT TONGKAT. but it really is super fun. they have this thingy called like photo formation which is hilarious cos e guys all lie at the bottom and girls just pile on top and everyone yells like "wo yao kan dao wo de lian" (i wana see my face) and guys below are like "wo yao wo de qiu" (i want my balls) haha it was so funny. lotsa fun games and cute cheers and terribly high seniors even at 4am. god i barely slept at all. with about 7 or 8 hours in total in 4 nights. damn siao. came back lsing weight and lacking sleep. but it was worth it =)

ok will update about hk next time. im sleepy.ciao loves

random thoughts

2007-07-02T22:44:00.000+08:00

been a long long time since i actually posted an actual post instead of "blogged private". goes to show what a secret rollercoaster ride my life's been. haha nonsenes. boring more like it.

ive been doing some thinking these couple of days. and i look at me now, remembering the girl, one year ago, too weak and emotionally uncontrollable and unstable to take a bus home herself. im suddenly so thankful for the people who stood by me and accompanied me on those lonely rides. to u it might just have been a ride home with a friend going the same way. yakking all the way home. to me it was a way to keep me sane and alive. especially e netball team. i doubt i'd have made it without those girls. that crazy diverse and funny bunch of people.

some random ppl who saved me then. GF.smint.bern.jac.bobby (dont think ive forgottened u).shyong wei.jasmine.teletubby.andrew.adrian.timmy.chrys.amelia.serene.suyi.belle.darren.gabriel.shaun.val.
froggie.e entire netball team........ aiyo. e list is quite long i realised. but thank u to all of you. really.

my gf rocks. without her id have killed myself more than once. she's just the best in e whole world.

think one especialy nice person was bobby. for some reason he took it upon himself to cheer me up constantly every single day (no he was not interested in me.) he did e things id be missing having lost didi. e smses every period. e pei-ing me to mug and even do nothing. e phone calss and all. man that was one heck of a nice nice friend. thank you

especially thankful to simin/smint. alwys there to make the special effort to make people around her feel good. always going that extra mile. sending that quirky sms or two when u most need it. i rememeber some occasions she'd ring me just to ask if i were in school. just so we could go home together so i wouldnt be lonely and curl up at the back of 135 crying. even though 135 isnt the fastest route home for her. and the late night calls t 4am. i will miss those. blur and gong as i am at that time in the night. i'd still wana talk to her. hmm. wonderin when willl be the next time i go over to her place just down the road to bake a nice oreo cheesecake. messing up her entire kitchen along the way. by god i ~~will miss~~ am missing smint so much. she's gone just one year i keep telling myself, but nope. it doesnt stop the tears from falling

2007-06-27T03:35:00.001+08:00

i blogged private. sigh

2007-06-18T01:17:00.000+08:00

i totally have this thing for guys that play the piano. its damn hot.

beeeeeethoven!
mozart!
bach!
chopin!
JAY!
lee hom!
joel boon?
...........!

haha i am nuts =x read e private

2007-06-17T02:25:00.001+08:00

i blogged private. ~~twice~~ thrice

2007-06-16T00:03:00.000+08:00

hellO! lets see.so many things have happened and i dont know where to start.

tues, finally registered for driving! shyong wei was nice enough to accompany me there cos i really didnt wana go alone! it was only 5 stops away from eunos. ive no idea how that hanbin could get lost 3x. tragic. anyway. i have realised - THERE ARE NO HOT DRIVIN INSTRUCTORS. shit. haha been thinkin lik swimming coaches with hot bods and stuff :s

after that met hanbin for dinner. somewhere in bedok was this sushi thing we were supposed to try. ended up walkin reallyyyy long cos we couldnt find e place. after that headed to simei to look at little furry fluffy animals! omg i loveeee these cute little creatures. pupppies are so lovable =D its funny how 2 people can look at e same thing and say totally different things
ME! : omggggg they look soooooooooo sweet!! so cute!!!!!
Hanbin : they look cold.
i could have fainted. haha after that i learnt a new.. game/activity. that till today i am still amused and playing! haha shant go into detials and embarrass myself =x haha!
after that weirdly walked from simei back to tanah merah. or at least half way. cos e longer-legged one gave up! haha i am officially scared shitless by flying stuff at night/stuff brushin past at night/walkways without streetlamps! =x

wed!! i went WAXIN with my gf. omg i was so scared cos i heard it hurts like shittttttt. and when they applied e wax it was SO. HOT. haha then she TORE *PISAKE*! (thats e sound of ripping btw) and i was lik *stunned!*. thats it? haha it didnt hurt at all. seriously. its just lik pulling masking tape off ur body. i think biore pore pack hurts a hell lot more than that. i shant even start on epilating :) haha after that shopped around PS. till she had to leave. i attempted to be STUDIOUS and went to the library. i realised i looked pretty out of place with my deep-cut halter cheery yellow dress with gold sandals and giant shades and coloured bangles when people there wore. well. stuff other ppl wear to libs. haha.
later on i went to didi's house for movie marathon/stayover. haha his little brother joined in everything and they are so damn funny together. i have concluded didi is a retard. we watched devil wears prada. and everytime someone makes a funny comment he has to rewind and replay to try to catch it. and after he catches it. he realises he doesnt understand it -_-" haha its hilarious. we watched the illusionist. which was FAB. but i do prefer the prestige. think thats a totally wonderful show.

thurs was spent waking up late to didi's cookin. thou not the best its so wonderful to have him wake me up to get me to wash up cos he's done cooking lunch for me :) its ultrasweet! went to slack around after that..

2007-06-08T01:13:00.000+08:00

yesterday has got to be one of the worst days ive had in a goddammit long time.

1. woke up grouchy and was enlightened by didi that its cos of e period thats due soon -_-"
2. went to vivo only to find my beloved Forever 21 dress in size M. no more S.
3. had no pretty shades anywhere and i so wanted shades x(
4. shant mention this here
5. had no good movies
6. couldnt find anything to buy in vivo!

giant place but nothing good. so irritating.

in e end shyongwei got me a mascara and gloss which i absolutely love! i didnt know the face shop actually sold good usable stuff. think its after christian dior and channel and lancome that face shop seems so much more cheapo and all. haha but e mascara was really pretty. like doubled the length of my already long lashes. i like! got a MAC gloss. haha was quite funny. walked around tangs tryin different glosses. so i had 1/4 lip dior, 1/4 lip MAC, 1/4 lip channel, 1/4 lip lancome. haha we both couldnt decide on e best. i liked dior's alot but went with his decision on MAC.

went to bugis village afterward to buy party stuff! im so lookin forward to my party on sat. i've got all e goody bags and games and prizes lined up and ready to be given to my darling kids i will never see again after sat :'( breaks my heart thinkin abt it.

had an interview today for some event model thingy. ugh. e girl after me was 1.75m tall. thanks ah. they probably had problems seeing me at all. haha but its good money man. basic is $25 per hour but e guy says i've got experience so i can probably ask for more IF i suit e events. aha *prayyyyy. i love easy money, ie, stand there look pretty and smile.

anyway i had a giant quarrel with didi today. realised we're both bloody violent people. quite. jialat when we fight i suppose. lots of tears and hurt feelings and stuff. ugh. wonder why we keep going back to each other time and time again when we know we'll quarrel all over.

had a little argument over someone. couldnt come to an agreement on whether she's average, ugly, fugly. i stand by fugly. he thinks its average->ugly cos he says the girls in his present class are worse -_-" haha he seems to always be cursed w not-good-looking female classmates. i mean its a good thing for me of cos but i would like to see pretty faces anyway ma x( haha. so we had a disagreement over it. the silly things we quarrel over huh. in case ure wondering. no we arent discussing her.

2007-06-01T01:12:00.000+08:00

You don't even know the meaning of the words i'm sorry?

You said you would love me until you die

And as far as I know you're still alive, baby

You don't even know the meaning of the words i'm sorry?

I'm starting to believe it should be illegal

to deceive a woman's heart

-michelle's blog :)

st james

2007-05-31T21:51:00.000+08:00

woohoo! st james is fun!! yesterday was probably one of the best clubbin times we had. was almost spoiled bcos practically NO WHERE had ladies night. and CHEAPSKATE CLUB PRESIDENT/suay liap/small, quoted, "refuse to pay on a wed" cos its suppose to be freee. so we met at clark quay to go try clinic (not free), and we all know mos (not free), zouk (not free). so cabbed to e only free place - st james power station. haha. we got ripped off by e cabbie seriously. one MRT stop. cost us $6++. how horrid huh. haha wasnt very hopeful about e place from what i heard.

e queue was FRIGGING long. but surprisingly fast. haha they are damn slack. didnt even realy check ic or anything. bouncer didnt look at my face. just e IC.. haha. was quite worried cos e crowd looked lik 23/24 MINIMUM. barely anyone our age.. e one reason small loves st james: on ladies night, girls get FIVE FREE DRINKS. yes FIVE. zouk n mos doesnt offer that! only 1for1.. BUT. the queue to get e free drinks was NUTS. seriously. haha we queued for about an hour for drinks!!

but not too bad. the girls got 2 jugs of alcoholic stuff. POOR ME. they decided i get high too damn easily for my own good. and i get tipsy at e slightest drink. SO. i was restricted to ORANGE JUICE/SODA/ICE WATER. thanks. hahah.. in e end got a corkscrew n an orange and a sprite. haha damn stupid. here are my drinks :)

"just one????"
"ok fine. orange JUICE"

haha went along with e juive n it was surprisingly nice and refreshing after takin 1 corkscrew!

"orange juice aint so bad!" (notice how red i am after ONE corkscrew -_-")
"look at ALL their drinks x( not fair"

e music was good. it wasnt 100% pure hiphop/rnb. it was about 85% that. then u get e random Backstreet Boys - LARGER than life (as usual my b__bs got dragged in...) and some odd older songs which werent too bad and very highness inducing! haha it was quite funny. cos there was this oldish man. lik say 30+? and he was like attempting to dance to e tracks but lik it was so obvious he's never heard anything like that and sexyback just wasnt doing it for him. haha after awhile he gave up bobbing and shook his head while walkin off e floor. haha pretty funny!

went to e toilet w small. disappointing toilet!!! compared to MOS/MoMo's it was pathetic. like some shopping center toilet. now toilets are the place we touch up make up..arrange hair.. get pretty.. CAM WHORE. how can it be eeky!! ugh. but we cam whored all e same. (this MIGHT be obscene/offensive to some. advance with caution)

yeaps. those are toilet pics =D haha.. dont ask whats e first shot. i think small looks sexy in e 2nd one ;) hah not long after she had to go home cos her bloody 12am curfew still on! (it was 2am then... -_-") haha kahei and i decided to stay on since we dont really have a curfew. mine's just kinda like have to be home and its ok.. haha. we danced together but i must admit i feel more vulnerable when e group of girls is smaller! haha more, assessible to odd males (which st james has quite a lot of) haha. got high together and had fun. shant mention e end of the clubbin session but er. yes. haha see ya!

2007-05-26T00:25:00.000+08:00

if you ever thought it was hard leaving one person you love, try leaving 39?

i swear e pain nearly killed me.

this morning. HOD of science said she talked to e other HODs and agreed that i could stay in term3 till i went to uni. i was like "yayy. i have a job. i can see my beloved kids." but i didnt FEEL thatttt elated. guess i hadnt realised how much this job meant to me.

my last lesson ended at 10am. (ok typin this, i feel sad all over again but hell.) anyway. after lesson. i said my very last "thank you class" to them, ~~knowing~~ thinking that i would come back. i didnt cry but i did get a little tears in my eyes. they gave me lotsa letters and notes of love and gratitude and sadness and misses. then i released them for recess and went to the staff room. when i came out to join them, valerie suddenly sprinted to me and hugged me and sobbed and sobbed and she kept asking me to stay and telling me she didnt want me to go and that she loved me loads. i started to cry. wondered if i shuold tell them i would come back after all. went to e canteen where my loves waited. they were eating my cookies and tellin me how well i could bake (they can lie pretty well apparently) haha. then i took photo with each of them. they all looked really sad and some were crying. heartbreaking. after that. they queued up in a line and each took turns to hug me for the last time.. i tried to smile even though my eyes were filled with tears. (dont ask why i cried when i thought i was coming back) so i went through e day as normal. till 1pm. after my last lesson...

i went to back up to go off to meet didi. was just preparing to leave e staff room when overall HOD came to me. she told me. that they appreciated my willingness to stay in term 3. but the schoool had adjunct teachers and could not keep me. she explained that MOE paid for adjunct teachers but the school paid for relief teachers. they needed to save money. so their plan was to use the adjunct teachers already in school. meaning they would let whoever was free take my class for whichever periods possible. i cant believe they would do this to my kids. how would you feel if english was taught by 3 different teachers. just cos they "were free". sense of belonging? closeness? nothing.

after i was told i broke down. totally broke down. hurried out of school, tears streaming down, barely breathing. quickly found my way to didi before i collasped. i sobbed and sobbed for a really long time. think it was more painful than some of the break ups ive gone through. i realised i didnt even say goodbye properly bcos i thought i would come back. sure i hugged and kissed and took pictures. but e feeling was wrong. i feel bloody sad now. heart brokened. it wasnt just sad..sad... it really really hurt. heartbreakin kinda hurt. it was only then i realised how much i had grown to love the kids. how much the girls now occupied my thoughts and so much of my everyday life. my days were spent planning lessons for them, activities, etc. now. its empty.

some of the stuff they've said:
"ms tan, how come no body wants us. we all very stupid ah? must be.."
"ms tan, i know we are selfish but can u dont go school (NTU) and stay in marymount."
"ms tan, i am very touched by your words on the card. u make me feel gooder. can u dont go?"
"ms tan, i am home now and i am crying. i miss u so much already. its not fair. why did u have to go..."
"ms tan, :'( im really sad and miserable. like lost already"
"ms tan i feel lik i have no one in the world except mummy. then ms tan came and i had a real friend. and now ure going too. everyone will go away. just like my daddy." (her dad passed away 3 years back)

now u know why im heart brokened... :'(

2007-05-16T23:04:00.000+08:00

hello! another boring post im afraid. my week's been pretty dead. filled with nothing but childern's laughter and screaming.

after school today went to didi's house t nap.. barely slept at all b4 he called asking where i was and if i was comfy. hung up and went to sleep. barely fell asleep before my collegue evelyn called asking about some science and keying of marks. haha I SLEPT. then. alarm rang. ugh.... time to shower and go shopping =D haha. halffway through my shower, the phone rang AGAIN. wa im an inch of drownin it now. haha hanbin.

met thaat skinny chap at far east and had dinner at e yummy chicken rice place. pity im sick and i din taste much x( bah. haha attempted to shop for jojo's present after that. haha standard shoppin = didnt buy anything. i think he doesnt get how we can spend almost 2 hours walkin all around w/o finding anything to buy.. haha i found a partner to dislike STRIPES AND DOTS (ahem, small.) haha. checked out many many stores and saw many many things i like! BUT i gave self control a shot and TRIED not to look at stuff for myself. haha. headed off for tuition class after that..

tuition was normal. my stuipid kid still has this thing about not going to people's house because he's shy and uneasy. he's freakkin 15 for ____'s sake. his classmates are already doin so much more AT others' houses ;) so cos of that i may have to stop teaching him once i go to NTU. that fool. makes me $240 short. ugh. hopefully my camellia and oscar and ysanne's classes will turn out well then i will have about $400 plus to spend a month in uni.. haha. kids these days names quite cute huh. saffron, mikila, nikita, ysanne, OSCAR (like the whale?), janella, kirby (think furby, they're lookalikes), sasikala, roxianna, JELLY (yess, like JELLY). and i thought my parents were odd. haha.

ugh i'm sick again. i think its a common teacher thing. when one falls, all fall. cos we're all stuck in the same room with the same air with the same germs goign in circles. so many of us are sick. haha. think i probably passed the stupid virus to hanbin as well. poor fella. just recovered and now he's caught it again. (for ppl who read e private blog entry on shaun, NO i did not...ya) hahah. tml will continue e spread to jean and didi i think. my joggin plan's foiled by the flu.. i dont wana dieeee!

byee

2007-05-15T15:37:00.000+08:00

"the case of bastardisation is increasing along with globalisation man." - someone

i agree. things have been said. people have been hurt. its unnecessary and someone deserves to have that useless dick of his chopped for it. i dont get why, after so long, u'd do something like that when from e beginnin she's been nothing but sweet and u've been nothing but a lyin creep.

also, i found out something at jevon's house talkin to someone who's bunkmate of someone who's bf of someone. made me burst out crying cos i felt her pain. another bastard - serial cheater. love is blind i swear. it makes girls believe he will change. cheat once. repent. apparently it doesnt work that way. more like cheat once. forgiven. attempts to repent. heck, cheats again. and again. then cries when he's found out. once again, i swear love is blind.

then, i hear about my friend who's broken up recently. yet mr. (ex)bf of hers still asks her out and insists on meeting up for regular sex. what e heck. what is the world coming too. we all know love and sex are two seperate things in the minds of males, but thats really quite crossing the line i should think.

ugh.

2007-05-14T22:15:00.000+08:00

hello.

spent my weekend going from place to place havin fun.. sat started out at cine. suppossedly to kbox. but e guys ended up xbox-ing instead -_-" haha i totally dont get soccer. seriously. sat around talkin to ying at this machine u press e screen. then went for lunch with her. haha as expected. we ended up shopping. cos there was a LIME flee. looking for something nice and cheap to pick up. but there wasnt anything!! UGH. hah i bought 2 bangles in e end. one bright red and one orange. an impulsive buy no doubt that didi could not understand. haha..

after that went to KTV at singtel building. haha i like. especially since there were people with good voices =D haha im talkin abt zhu of course ;) haha. shant go too much. anyway. after that lik 6+ met this model fella kelvin and went to jevon's place with him n jevon. jevon's bday party. ahha so cute huh 19th bday party thingy.. darren. kelvin, me. haha trust me when i say it was ODD. i ended up discussing newspaper articles and modelling with kelvin -_-" haha. was sitting around waiting for more familiar faces to turn up. in end i was saved by JOYCE! my soap-girl. haha spent most of the evening with her. talkin and laughing and stuff. it was enjoyable spendin time with her. she's like the kinda girl u knoow in school and talk to occassionally but never had the time to really sit down and get to know her better. in e end i was too lazy to go home from friggin-other-end-of-the-world Tanah merah and convinced her to stay over too. haha

later on these 3 other girls turned up. i dno what to say about them. i suppose first impression matters and well. yea. hmm. we all went for prata at this seempang place which was bloody far away from his house man (although i seemed to be the only one to think so. ) haha. the 3 headed off after that. sat around in his room talkin to the army guys + vic + howan + zac who were staying. so many people squashed into 2 mattresses and one room. gosh. was worried e whole night that vic would roll of jevon's bed and squash me on the matress (how on earth is the matress/mattress spelt) n worried that prom king's soccer leg would kick me n kill me. haha males. talked to jevon and learnt alot that night ;) alot on opinions and sizzling hot issues. haha good to hear male opinions once in awhile. im glad i went for the stayover. wish i had photos to remember it though..

sun was spent sleeping. then a simple mother's day dinner at the club. went for a 2nd dinner with didi's family at a BBQ. ended up quarreling so badly it practically led to a break up. he concluded that im seriously e kinda person who bolts and gives up e moment i cant do it. relationship fallin apart, break up and leave. studies troubling me, forget e understanding part and bloody eat the text books. everything i do. its e same approach. throw everything into it and pray it cooks well by itself. if it doesnt. hope someone else does it for me. not possible? ok then, byeeee. guess its something i've always known but never dared to face. he really does know me really well. enough to read me inside out. and also to take care of me. now e trick is to stay good to him. haha.

2007-05-09T19:27:00.000+08:00

i brought my uncle to sentosa on sunday.

whaha sounds odd doesnt it? well, IT WAS. haha but helps that he's 19 and young and strong (read: carry all the bags) and that is was fully sponsored by my mummy =D

haha so i played tour guide for the day and brought him all the way from lavender to harbour front. conned him into doin shopping with me for about an hour b4 leading him to e sentosa bus. haha..

first stop, underwater world =) i know EVERYONE knows this place. but how many people actually remember what its like to BE in the tunnel. to see fish 4 times ur size. (to see what i get to see whenever i dive basically) haha. i am totally obsessed with jellyfish i realised. they are so the cutest. and like what the hell. im shorter than a dugong.

the funny white thing below is a dugong. which is bloody 1.7m tall :( but FAT and awfully cute. she was swimmin upside down and pretending like she was gonna ram the tunnel. haha so cute.

next stop was e dolphin lagoon =) pink dolphins are the cutest ever! i like pink! and i dont like indian tourists! ugh. indian kids were runnin about in e tunnel spoiling my pedicure! then e grown ups with giagantic bodies were shoving me and pushing past me w/o even sayin a word. AND stupid mothers POPPED their friggin heads into my photos. lik we're takin half way, they dont have e courtesy to let us take a picture first. they have to just butt in so that their heads cover half the screeen. ugh. send them back to india please. haha

as a tourist, how can we not see e musical fountain. for those of u who agree with the musical fountain statement. HA. its time for u to visit sentosa again! its not called musical fountain anymore noobies. its called the SONG OF THE SEA. which is basically good sound and lights/lazer and water effects but lousy storyline. there was this really cool part whereby they used fire puffs. ok that sounds funny but i swear! it was fire! like hot fire u could feel. and it came out like cotton balls. so i thnk its fire puffs. ahha overall it was pretty nice i should say. enjoyed it.

my first time going out with my uncle. haha he says next time round i can go up to KL and he'll take me shopping =D haha im hoping my dad will allow. ugh. there's this bangkok trip some friends are takin but my dad and didi arent allowing me to go x(!!

haha OH YA. mango's having sale. and there's this racer back/tank top in BRIGHT yellow. if anyone see it around. sized XS ($9).. PLEASE PLEASE get it for me first. PLEASEEEEE. i'll pay u back asap. i really want it!!!!!!

anyway i've fallen for an F21 top! i think its so pretty and its in satin. i just love satin/lycra-ish tops. i dno y i hate cotton but i do. this is the top! cute huh. its good cos its shows of what i have and hides what i dont. i'll leave u to figure which part of the torso im referring to. its retailling $48. wondering if i should get it online for about $30+. saw another dress i like too.. ahha was hoping it'd make me taller cos of all e lines! haha hows e top...

ive been super busy this week. mid year papers are supposed to be marked THE DAY of the exam. meaning we stay back till about 4+ earliest to mark the scripts together. whoever thought the DOING of the papers was hard should bloody try the MARKING. god. it will kill u. the number of language errors. and ure lik "OMG SHE COPY WRONG!?!?!". all kinda silly mistakes that make u super gek and feel like killing the girl. thats eng paper. math paper was damn easy to mark for me cos i got the top class and everyone scored an average of 62/70. DAMN good. so its all ticks and no crosses. but i got quite sad marking their papers. cos its like 62/70.... 62... i bet 50% of my girls cant get 62/100 even x( haha susanne said today "small girl dont be sad la. its not you, its THEM" ahah. righttttt -_-" anyway as e retarded hanbin counted for me. ive got about 12 days left. breaks my heart to think about this. twelve. then e numbers shrink so fast till soon im down to 1. then zero. heartbreaking. hai. i've grown so attached to my girls. thnnk its such mel behaviour to grow extremely attached to someone/something in a really short period of time. like how i did with RJ, NETBALL. and how it will never/never did happen with VJ, dance, etc..

2007-05-03T11:52:00.000+08:00

im down withn gastric flu and a virus attack. i realise im really becomin teacher like. resting at home now. i CANNOT stop worryin about my kids. are they doing the work assigned? the faster ones, are they revising for tml's quiz? are they behaving? are the naughty ones stressing my cute leader? ahhh! haha im marking compos (which they are failing) now. haha

im probably taking another 3 students from june on. 2 are marymount girls and one's an acs boy.. haha think this will finance my uni's allowance :) dno if i can keep them till e end of e year thou..i dno hwo much to charge pri 4 and pri 6 thou. can ppl give me suggestions of rates, no. of hours, etc? 1 girl's pri 4 eng math sci, pri 4 sci, pri 6 math sci. how much will that earn me? not forgettin i still will keep my sec 3 kid that cant spell "perpenDQlar"

im touched. my kids are sweet. they have my hp no. so they're smsing me to wish me well and sending love and hoping i come back tml. haha so sweet. the smses all came in from 10-10.30 - recess time. how cute indeed :)

i feel so relaxed after losing my dior job. no more ugly faces to put up with. now when i go to lido, i walk as a customer. as if i have a million bucks in my thousand bucks wallet to throw into e bitches' faces. now SERVE ME WELL, before i write a complain letter. shiok. bitches. as my gf said b4. we shdnt be cosmetic girls. we should be studying hard to one day run the company and FIRE the bitchy ones. muahaha! (sense e intense dislike of cosmetic bitches?) haha. e only thing i miss is meeting nice customers that come back after a few days just to "pop by and say hi" or e nicer girls, ie, jingying, joy, alice only. haha limited aye? haha. i also miss ENDLESS supply of FREE make up to play with. hundreds of lippies for me to test all e colours i want for 8 hours. UNLIMITED perfume for me to spray everyday. haha.

anyway. im tryin to decide between a coach or a burberry bag. indecisive me.

i see they both look hedious here. haah the burberry one is shinny and gorgeous in real life. haha. i will NOT be teampted to get both x(. think they're $800++ each. hopin to get them cheaper from e states.~ oh well. see how it goes.

2007-04-29T00:59:00.000+08:00

qiaoping. says:
are you looking?
~JúzáÐrëãm~ `* when in doubt, SMILE. when all else fails, LOOK CUTE says:
im droolinggg
qiaoping. says:
hahaha
~JúzáÐrëãm~ `* when in doubt, SMILE. when all else fails, LOOK CUTE says:
omggggggg
qiaoping. says:
how do you spell GORGEOUS
~JúzáÐrëãm~ `* when in doubt, SMILE. when all else fails, LOOK CUTE says:
actually im not sure
~JúzáÐrëãm~ `* when in doubt, SMILE. when all else fails, LOOK CUTE says:
kaka?
qiaoping. says:
YUP

http://inokitty.myi.cc/bbs/zboard.php?id=hinaki&page=1&sn1=&divpage=1&sn=off&ss=on&sc=on&select_arrange=hit&desc=desc&no=27

WHY IS HE MARRIED :'(

2007-04-29T00:01:00.000+08:00

i think i'm a total bra lover.

i saw this push up bra from victoria secrets and im totally in love. it looks gorgeous. b4 u start gg "wtf does mel need a push up bra for?!?!" let me show it clearly. its says on e site

• C-cup sizes provide uplift and shaping with minimal enhancement.
• D-cup sizes provide uplift and shaping without added volume.

SEE. haha dont go cursin at me yet.
BUT.
i do have about 30/40 bras to date.
i have only ONE pair of boobs.
it costs like $60 i think.

but its in baby pink and its so gorgeous and its in MY SIZE. which is rare already. ugh

OMG! dinner w sydney gang today. dinner was suppose to be 6.30. we all reached earliest at 6.40. francis 7.40. valerie 7.50/8. jason OT, didnt turn up. im gona faint. hahaha. it was pretty amusing with franny and ALL his army stories. army really amuses me. though i totally dont get all their short forms what GB and BMT and whatnot. haha got sick of stayin in village so we went to starbucks. omg it was like so funny. i drew eye liner for francis. he was practically screaming and tryna hold me off. but he gave in in e end. haha we went a little further and convinced him that mascara was like the MUST HAVE. hahaha HE LOOKED GORGEOUS. goth and gay but utterly gorgeous. sexy. i loved the look. he should do it everyday in army. haha he went home with it. wonder how he's gona get it off w/o any remover. haha pics will be up sooN!

oh i lost my make up job agian.. i think its fate. im just NOT fated to work in make up lines. nvm i shall take it as a sign from god, not to mix with e stupid people of society. granted, they ARE important. since they stupid and dumbest do e shit which no one else would be willing to do for life. bitches. talked to alice e manager. and she asked if i would like to teach tuition in english to her. haha she says she was really really sad to see me go. cos i was one of the few counter girls who didnt glare at her when she walked past and in e past few MONTHS i was e ONLY one who actually smiled at her. what f*ckin bitches they all are. may they smoke themselves all to death. BAH. alice doesnt deserve to be taking such shit from them.

2007-04-27T00:16:00.000+08:00

he is so . so . cute. ugh.

i am certain its a crush. full blown crush

and didi is dead jealous and feels like beating him up

but WHYYYYY

he's gay x( my daryllllll

apparently jean and jing thinks he looks like a firefly.whatever that is supposed to look like

*sobs.....

2007-04-26T23:04:00.000+08:00

i shall let e pictures to the talking.

i love jean so much. so so so much :)

2007-04-26T00:05:00.002+08:00

hello! its ME again~ muahaha i think i really high today. heh went to mark stuff at didi's house while he studied and e baby played. i should really stop calling her a baby cos she's getting old now. haha her teacher complained about her. cos she went to hold this boy's hand and when they sat down for lesson she put HIS arm around HER. aha e teacher wants to know what she learns at home =x ahah and her mom thinks didi and i are responsible =x haha but i heard that e boy is cute so should be ok right =)

2007-04-21T00:47:00.000+08:00

hello! another post! shows how bored i am. haha ive been damn high all evening/night. let me show u some stuff that have amused me

franny said
"i was MOE. i am MINDEF."

didi said
"even I look at myself and I think I'm cute can"

haha i dno why e second one amused me so much but it did.

did i mention that i seriously dont like to take P3s. gross. i got to class today very late with lik 10min left and lik wth. there were 3 girls crying and so many were running about screaming. i thought someone had died or something. turns out one was realy hungry. one was pushed and her hi[ hit e table. and e third decided to cry cos everyone was noisy and crying. god. they almost made miss tan cry. i dont like P3s x(

today there was a performance in school. and my little girl performed. WALAO. i was STUNNED i tell u. artistic gym. which is something like dance + stunts. it was freaking good. they did alot of flips and coordinated cartwheels and stuff professionals would do, NOT little girls. i was so so sooo proud of her i started to cry. then evelyn (anotehr teacher) was giving me that *shakes head* face. but OMG. i felt like an elephant after watching them. the girls did this thing where by they were facing opposite directions (one facing e floor one facing e sky) and their held each other's legs and became a hoop and starting rolling around. ..... ok it isnt as retarded as i made it sounds honestly. aiya! i was just proud =D

after that headed over to didi's place to sleeP!! cos i was freaking tired. taught my baby to read b4 that. she's learnt 3 words today! "da (big), xiao (small), ren (human)." she learns DAMN fast. why are babies so smart. think thats y im gettin dumb? cos im already lik 18++.. after that i totally was so drained i just went straight to sleep. baby slept too. haha so cute. supposed to go shopping at 4. but didi says i couldnt wake up and i kept toppling back to sleep so in e end we went off at like 6+ =x haha im such a pig. had dinner and shopped again! i still totally love this pair of satin cum lace 3-inch pump/wedge. its gorgeous and damn stylish. i dno y i havent gotten it yet -_-'

ok im lazy and sleepy. goodnight

2007-04-19T23:30:00.000+08:00

i feel awfully retarded. had dinner with shaun heng. e tj one thats a year younger this evening and we took a few photos. and mel the genius deleted before saving them and now i cant find them anywhere in the com! someone help me x( hmm. anyway he's grown. he's not 1.81m tall. god. i've been going out with tall guys alot recently. may this boost my growth x( haha

anyway some pics from the stayover at didi's. haha it wasnt too bad. as usual we had a giant quarrel. which left him bleeding from my violence and me shaken and traumatised again. hmm. after that we went to have dinner and do some light shopping to let my eyes de-puff before heading back to his place. omg we saw. this GIANT cat. it was GIANT. i swear its HUGE. oh ya. my gf totally sucks.

"omg u know its like the BIGGEST cat i've seen in my life!!!"

"i've seen a tiger...."

x( situational joke. i dont think u get it. i felt like poking her.. ahah anyway here's e cat.

its HUGE now isnt it. wow i've nv seen such a big one. it DIAO me la. wad the hell. he turned. stared at me. "rolled" its eyes. and walked away. i so wanted to step on his tail. bitch. hahaha ok self amusement!

anyway sch's been great. i totally love my kids more day by day. today my girl was lik "miss tan can we throw a surprise party for u?" haha a surprise indeed. how cute can they be really. haha and we talk and laugh as if we're all friends during recess and after school. but they're oh-so-respectful and obedient during lessons. i guess i've learnt what's being firm not fierce. gosh i love them.

i think being in e convent has changed me. i now half say the prayers in the morning. that "god in heaven, holy be your name" thingy. i dont really understand it. but i guess i do feel something and it does motivate/give strength to me every morning as the little girls and us teachers recite it. uh oh. what does this mean... hmm

anyway. i know u can tell. but thats me. wahaa. apparently my friend saw e larger version of my shoot they had at e studio and started screaming. damn pai sehing! haha then she smsed me and insisted i go see myself. i dont look lik me huh. if u look closely. u'll realise its my eyes. other than that. they say u cant tell.. ahah..

2007-04-16T21:51:00.000+08:00

lets see. whats been going on in my life?

planning meet-the-parents session.
planning powerpoint to teach perpendicular and // lines
praying like shit that ntu calls me
being miserable at lido dior counter
marking till my brain goes fuzzy everyday
going out with different cute males =)

life aint too bad. haha i am loving my kids more day by day. during international friendship day, they secretly prepared and put up a private performance for me. only later did i learn that they ate into their recess to practice it. i was so touched. almost moved to tears. how cute these kids can be huh.

neeraj called again. i like it when he calls me. its always always offering me high paying jobs. even though they're quite shit jobs. this times its survey. i told him im not gonna go back for $10/hr. he offered $15-$20 per hours. but he says with my track record pulling back the $20 aint a problem. same target. 25 surveys per hour. guess its no problem for me. im just wonderin if im hardworking enough to go do it. haha i was thinking. i do want that pair of new heels. and a new skirt.. so 2 hours.. $30... ughhh i am tempted.

2007-04-12T20:36:00.000+08:00

im lazy to update everything i've been doing and everyone i've been going out with. so here are
some randoms.

dunman high bball dinner at nydc =D haha 2 of us are teachers. one of us is slacking and spending cash like water. one of us has just quit all her jobs. e other's working hard. ie, none of us have changed. mouse is still so adorable. asonah is still the aunty. jas is still random and totally adorable. dino is still fighting with bull and oh so smooth to touch. bull is still the bimbo. =) i love the bballers. really i do. e girl is dino.

e girl with long hair is rachel wee. my photoshoot got cancelled today cos mervyn wee couldnt make it so i went shopping with his daughter. haha. we had fun and i bought a pair of shoes i hate. i totally fell for a pair in mondo! but felt bad wanting to spend so much on shoes in one day. donations anyone?? =x haha

e individual pic is shuan. reason for me finally not being in e pic? cos out of a million we took. none had both of us looking nice. and since we're both obviously vain like hell that wouldnt do. so we've agreed on taking pictures when we next meet and he's bald. haha

last pic. hanbin. dunman high senior i've never gone out with before. haha i dont wana say anything more.

AIYA!!!!!!! I REALISED I DIDNT TAKE PIC W TONG. shit. had dinner w tong on monday cos no one else was free. walao that ass got accepted to London School of Economics. which is like tmd hard to get in. why is he so lucky. and rich. london. god thats how pretty. haha asking him to check LV and dior prices there for me. in exchange i will buy him tonnes of magee mee so he doesnt have to eat expensive london food. wahaha.

of cos i dont have to upload pics or say anything about who i spent e rest of the days of the weeks with. haha =) stay over tml! movie! midnight marking ... ... ... =x only didi would be that nice.

yeaps~ my weeks have been eventful.
have i mentioned that i love my kids.

god leaving them will kill me. :'(

marymount girls :)

2007-04-12T20:27:00.000+08:00

this is one of my favourite girls in class. her name is crystal. a pretty girl. awfully cute. though not the brightest around.

lovely now isnt she :) makes me smile everytime she smiles. haha but she's awfully shy. sat beside her in e omni theatre. haha she is awfully cute..

haha some more random shots of my wonderful class!

haha another adorable one. haha dionne small. =D cant u see why i love going to school now. though i shout at them almost e entire day. i've grown so attached to them i just cant bear e thought of having to leave them all at the end of the term..

so cute.

2007-04-09T01:08:00.000+08:00

i realised. even now, after 1year 1month.
im not over it.
right now. i feel like crying again.
i feel so so sad all over again.

reason for this sudden realisation :
she was at mos last night

far too many people were there last night.
thank god i was half drunk/high and didnt remember much.

i wonder if she'd have made it if i'd seen her
franny doesnt seem to think so.

2007-04-06T22:45:00.000+08:00

hello! its me again. haha anyway, im tired and sick. and STILL i'm going mos tml. i think i'm asking for death. haha but i havent gone for so so long. haha i probably will apply MC on sunday. 1. cos im too tired after clubbing. 2. BCOS I AM WORKING WITH THE BITCH. omg its karma i tell u. today. she claimed she has bad sales when its actually cos she just started work so she "nicely" asked me to go away so she can do some serving. me being e "try to be nice" me, did so. after she got 2 bills, i thought it was enough. afterall, it aint my fault e bills she opens happen to be 30/50 and mine happen to be 200/150 bills yea. so she tried every means to chase me outta counter my making me run multiple errands for her to give her chance to get ALL customers. i did as she asked. its KARMA i tell u. when i was away, NO customers. e moment i'm back. a tai tai walks towards ME. so i HAVE to serve. haha. happy happy.

OHHHH so cute u know. i met 2 students today. i was walking around counter and someone said "excuse me" so i turned and the someone said "hello miss tan!" hahaha. so cute right. so i hugged my little british-chinese mix student. haha so cute. then i spoke to her mom a little. i bet e mom must be wondering what kinda teacher i am looking all made-up with short little kid fringe ahha.. i bet she thinks im a bad influence to her little one. haha. after that. while shopping with didi there was this little kid in my way so i smiled and let her pass. she stopped and stared at me "er. hello miss tan =D" OMG. another one man. but i didnt know her name so i quickly zaoed b4 her mom decides to talk to me =x haha its so cute seeing this kids. it just makes me smile, thinking about my job as their teacher as compared to being a beauty advisor and being around mega-bitches. ugh.

ok im damn sick and tired. think i've gotta rest early. i realised ive not talked to some of my friends for e longest of times. so horrid. example, CAI PING. ahaha e blur and forgetful one. next week meeting up with shaun and rachel wee and all e guys who are gg off to army! its always nice to have outings and dinners to look forward too. makes me look forward to mondays =D

oh i shall upload my "aneroxic model" picture soon!

2007-04-05T21:57:00.000+08:00

hello everyone. ok i have decided t use this as my public blog. my private one wont be updated sooo frequently lest something starts happening with AHEMAHEM. or i have more personal stuff. anywayyyy lets talk about more normal stuff here haha

oh ya i had a photo shoot last week with jean yip. or rather the first half of the shoot. had to rush off for work so didnt complete e whole things. haha i love doing shoots. so fun. and u get to look pretty and take beautiful shots! but i figured ive got a problem when it comes to shoots. my first look never turns out well. happened at the last shoot too and i was wonderin if its just a one off thing but apparently not! cos this time. e first look, i did at lesat like 20 shots before a got a good one. disgusting. e photographer n e hairstylist couldnt figure out what was wrong. i think my eyes were too spaced out for awhile? so e pictures lacked focus x( bah. but e next 2 looks were pretty fine i guess. cos got into e mood to do e shoot and all. e last one was e coolest i'd say! haha theme was black and white so basically i wore a black tube. e first look was hair generally messed up, then fringe backcombed and comin down e middle of my face and curling against my cheek. it LOOKED nice, but it was very hard to photograph with that stupid curl in the way. i cant even rememebr e 2nd look honestly, i think i was too sleepy? just shoot and go. i looveedddd e third one !! they bunned up my hair, and i wore a WIG. yeap. i DID NOT, cut my hair into a bob. it was a WIG! haha i bet those ppl who believed me are wantin to totally kill me now! haha anyway mervyn wee (jeanyip's husband) saw this picture in a mag and decided my face shape was similar to the girls, so he decided to let me try bob. so fun! thou i find it hard to ttake pictures with such short hair, cos u dont have anything on ur shoulders and covering your neck! but apparently i had good shots there, so we shall see how things go. cant wait till e pictures come out!

haha anyway. i realised, much as i totally LOVE make up and i totally LOVE e brand Christian Dior, i may have to quit working at lido. i seriously cannot stand the girls there. firstly, one is a total bitch to me. i shant elaborate here. secondly, there is serious communication breakdown, since my main language spoken is english, and theirs is chinese, hokkien, or vulgarities. i find it awfully distasteful and just downright disgusting, especially if the girl is relatively cute/sweet looking, that e moment she opens her mouth, "kaninabe eh. li eh lan jiao la" god. every obscenity ive ever heard was repeated in e couple of hours i spent in their presence. DISGUSTING. a girl saying "cb" and "na be" and "ka ni na" just doesnt sound good. god bless them. anyway, i think they are close to dying anyway so it doesnt really matter, considering how much they smoke. today the girl came back from break totally smelling lik cigarette. she smoked so much that she just had to WALK PAST w/o opening her mouth for me to smell her smoke. gross. so converrsation with girl1 was minimal throughout our working period together cos her english is er, not for conversation use and my chinese and hokkien are, not preferred languages. and e momenet girl 2 came, they started yaking and yaking in chineses/hokkien and litterin their ********&(&@%*^%# all over e place. felt really lonely e whole day. me n my p4 essays i was marking. sigh. e only joy i get there is when i get to work with my giant crush, daryl. he is so so cute and just, i dno =D haha he makes me smile. pity he's gay huh. haha why are e good ones gay. anyway he's been attached for 3 years now. and its working out good. i suppose i am happy that he's happy la....... thou i'd much rather him straight. haha he's really nice to me and girl1 and girl2 are wondering why he "na me teng2 wo" as they put it. ie, take care/side me. something like that. haha i dont care why, as long as he continues it. ugh one super disgusting thing by girl 2 (e bigger bitch). see daryl n i worked together in e aftn, so e whole aftn i was helpin him correct a speech he was presenting. all was going fine and i can assure u e english was near perfect since all e words and sentences he used were simple. then, bitch came and gave me "THAT LOOK" for being so close and laughin w daryl. AND THAT BITCH attempted to CORRECT MY ENGLISH. wth. SHE? wants to correct MY english?! UGH. i feel insulted? like hello? are we forgetting a little point here, YOU CANT BLOODY SPEAK ENGLISH PROPERLY? POOF. hmph. so pissifying lar. i wanted to slap her. she wanted to insert a word to relate to a noun before the commar. it would have been correct if there WERE a noun! but NO, there WASNT one. AND, she didnt even know wtf was a noun. UGH. i feel insulted like hell seriously. SHE, correct MY english. granted i dont have flawless and perfect english. but i can sure as hell speak/write better that EVERY one of the Christian Dior girls there. HMPH.

ok what a long long entry. haha anyway. today i noticed something. bitch 1 n bitch 2 are 21 and 24. not far off from my 18. and teachers in marymount are lik what 30+? yet with them, there is never an end of things to talk about. we talk about literature, plays, school, hobbies, even mahjong. yet with e stupid bitches. we dont even get 2 sentences across. i guess i have figured out where i DONT wana spend e rest of my life working. and i realised, teachers really ARE nice people. as in they seriously are. they are the ones, who at 30, will stilll always do considerate and kind acts for each other, who will smile at a total stranger so long as u are a teacher in the same school. who looks kind even though they're ugly. a counter girl will NEVER open a door for u (unless u are a tai tai and can spend loads of cash). neither will they smile at another coutners' girl. hell. some dont even smile at their OWN counter people. ugh. mayb its due to a lack of brains. since couter work is REALLY a no brainer job.

OK im gg to chat and mark. i shall blog another day and upload pictures of my darling kids. i so love them now. im gona be devastated when week 10 comes. my girls :'(