i cant keep going on this way. this random going nuts in my head. random outbursts take me nowhere. and they hurt poor didi.

gf said "mad season". i agree.

was with didi today and randomly burst into tears. alot of tears for a really long time. on the pretense of gettin something i sprinted to his door. just being by the door made me better. stopped crying, composed myself and walked back.

this is spastic. how is it that we were actually rather close when we were so far away. and now that we're practically neighbours the distance seems to have grown hugeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

jojo said to let go. i cannot live in the memories. whether wrong signals were sent, they were so long ago anyway. which is true, since gf said "if it were cos of you, you wouldnt be like that right now" so yes, suddenly it all makes sense.